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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
Dispute	Ryan	Monday, May 2, 2011
Question: Hello Brother Ignatius Mary. Here I have a question regarding a minor dispute about mass. Background: my girlfriend is Presbyterian, but she wants to go to church here in my hometown to satisfy the Sabbath (she is from abroad) so I offer to take her to Catholic mass, without her taking the Eucharist. This weekend we planned days ahead of time to go to mass today (Sunday). She does not attend church any other day. She has a friend who commonly asks her to come to her apartment. Frankly put, her friend is a spoiled brat. She pays for an excessively expensive apartment with money that isn't hers, and has multiple boyfriends. More than that, she only goes for men for their money, and could care less about their inner persona as long as they have big cash. She is searching for what our abominable culture calls a "sugar daddy." Many times my girlfriend tells me she cannot meet me because she promised her friend she would meet her, and I always understand. But it appears she does not keep her promises with me. I called her before leaving to mass to see if she was ready. She said she was at her friend's house and could not go to mass with me because she forgot about our engagement and forgot about mass (though she told me she would come earlier in the week). She asked me later if I was angry with her. Please let me know if I was too brutal with her. I responded, verbatim: "To be honest yes. You broke our plans, but worse than that, you forgot God and satisfied your friend instead. I suggest you prepare a long prayer of apology for God for placing people at higher priority than worship. Remember the commandment: you shall keep the Sabbath holy. No friend is worth more than God, and there is no excuse for 'forgetting' God's day of worship." She responded that she was sorry but she could not help it because her friend wanted to go to her apartment. I responded: "Yes you could help it. You could have told your friend that you had to be home by 5pm to go to church or even because you told me you were going to meet me, which by the way, many times you said you can't meet me because you already told her you were going to meet her and I always accept because plans are plans. You could have went to the metrorail (equivalent of a subway) at 4:15 or even 4:30. But you didn't. You chose your friend over God. I am telling you this because if you do not admit fault, you are in even greater sin than you already are. Since you are Presbyterian you do not have confession so you must admit fault and apologize to God. Your friend, who does not worship God it seems she worships money and her lifestyle of many boyfriends, is of Satan, and she is controlling you. You and I both know that you could help it by leaving earlier, you just chose not to."
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r) Dear Ryan: Since you have so many questions, it may be best if you join the Chew the Rage Café that is linked below. That is a discussion group where people are free to discuss any number of topics. There is also an apologetics forum there. You have a right to be concerned about your girlfriend's behavior. We all need to keep our promises unless there is some situation that make it impossible. Your response sounds a litter harsh. It would have been better to have used less "you" language. Your approach was essentially, "You worthless person you." Instead, expressing to her your disappointment for her breaking yet another promise would have been more appropriate. As for her going to Church or not, that is frankly between her and God. But, you could have expressed disappointment in that too because you are looking for a girl who has a similar devotion to God. These statements of your disappointment could have been said calmly and matter-of-factly. This might have given her pause to reconsider her behavior. But, instead you threw her out the window. Back in my dating days, there was a woman with whom we planned to go out to a party at the Church, and then to a stage play at the university theater. We went to the party, but when it was time to leave for the play she refused to go. Instead she wished to remain and continue her flirtations with another man. Later, she wondered why I was upset with her. She said that we were only dating and not exclusive. I replied, that the issue was not dating more than one man as that was fine at this point (we were not "going steady"), but in the flirtations with another man while we were suppose to be on a date together. That is just plain rude. And, to refuse to go the the play, which she had agreed to go, was a breach of promise and rude. I never saw her again. Since my self-esteem was healthy I did not need to continue dating her for fear of loneliness or rejection or something. Some people put up with abuse just to have companionship. Not this fella. If the woman is abusive, a psychobabe, or turned out to just not be my type, then the relationship must end. There are other women in the world. In any event, you should not be dating a non-Catholic in the first place. We should only date those who have a potential for marriage. The Church teaches that Catholics need to marry Catholics. In fact, special permission is required for a Catholic to marry a non-Catholic Christian, and a special dispensation is required for a Catholic to marry a non-Christian. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

Dispute

Ryan

Monday, May 2, 2011

Question:

Hello Brother Ignatius Mary. Here I have a question regarding a minor dispute about mass.

Background: my girlfriend is Presbyterian, but she wants to go to church here in my hometown to satisfy the Sabbath (she is from abroad) so I offer to take her to Catholic mass, without her taking the Eucharist.

This weekend we planned days ahead of time to go to mass today (Sunday). She does not attend church any other day. She has a friend who commonly asks her to come to her apartment. Frankly put, her friend is a spoiled brat. She pays for an excessively expensive apartment with money that isn't hers, and has multiple boyfriends. More than that, she only goes for men for their money, and could care less about their inner persona as long as they have big cash. She is searching for what our abominable culture calls a "sugar daddy."

Many times my girlfriend tells me she cannot meet me because she promised her friend she would meet her, and I always understand. But it appears she does not keep her promises with me. I called her before leaving to mass to see if she was ready. She said she was at her friend's house and could not go to mass with me because she forgot about our engagement and forgot about mass (though she told me she would come earlier in the week).

She asked me later if I was angry with her. Please let me know if I was too brutal with her. I responded, verbatim:

"To be honest yes. You broke our plans, but worse than that, you forgot God and satisfied your friend instead. I suggest you prepare a long prayer of apology for God for placing people at higher priority than worship. Remember the commandment: you shall keep the Sabbath holy. No friend is worth more than God, and there is no excuse for 'forgetting' God's day of worship."

She responded that she was sorry but she could not help it because her friend wanted to go to her apartment.

I responded: "Yes you could help it. You could have told your friend that you had to be home by 5pm to go to church or even because you told me you were going to meet me, which by the way, many times you said you can't meet me because you already told her you were going to meet her and I always accept because plans are plans. You could have went to the metrorail (equivalent of a subway) at 4:15 or even 4:30. But you didn't. You chose your friend over God. I am telling you this because if you do not admit fault, you are in even greater sin than you already are. Since you are Presbyterian you do not have confession so you must admit fault and apologize to God. Your friend, who does not worship God it seems she worships money and her lifestyle of many boyfriends, is of Satan, and she is controlling you. You and I both know that you could help it by leaving earlier, you just chose not to."

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r)

Dear Ryan:

Since you have so many questions, it may be best if you join the Chew the Rage Café that is linked below. That is a discussion group where people are free to discuss any number of topics. There is also an apologetics forum there.

You have a right to be concerned about your girlfriend's behavior. We all need to keep our promises unless there is some situation that make it impossible.

Your response sounds a litter harsh. It would have been better to have used less "you" language. Your approach was essentially, "You worthless person you." Instead, expressing to her your disappointment for her breaking yet another promise would have been more appropriate.

As for her going to Church or not, that is frankly between her and God. But, you could have expressed disappointment in that too because you are looking for a girl who has a similar devotion to God.

These statements of your disappointment could have been said calmly and matter-of-factly. This might have given her pause to reconsider her behavior. But, instead you threw her out the window.

Back in my dating days, there was a woman with whom we planned to go out to a party at the Church, and then to a stage play at the university theater. We went to the party, but when it was time to leave for the play she refused to go. Instead she wished to remain and continue her flirtations with another man.

Later, she wondered why I was upset with her. She said that we were only dating and not exclusive. I replied, that the issue was not dating more than one man as that was fine at this point (we were not "going steady"), but in the flirtations with another man while we were suppose to be on a date together. That is just plain rude. And, to refuse to go the the play, which she had agreed to go, was a breach of promise and rude.

I never saw her again. Since my self-esteem was healthy I did not need to continue dating her for fear of loneliness or rejection or something. Some people put up with abuse just to have companionship. Not this fella. If the woman is abusive, a psychobabe, or turned out to just not be my type, then the relationship must end. There are other women in the world.

In any event, you should not be dating a non-Catholic in the first place. We should only date those who have a potential for marriage. The Church teaches that Catholics need to marry Catholics. In fact, special permission is required for a Catholic to marry a non-Catholic Christian, and a special dispensation is required for a Catholic to marry a non-Christian.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below:
Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum.
Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum
Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum
Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum
Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum