Dear Kent:

Be of good cheer -- the Sacrament of Confession is not so demanding.

There is no set time for preparing for the Sacrament. It can be days or minutes. One should never avoid the Sacrament, however, for lack of prior reflection. You know your sins even if you have only minutes of preparation.

Keep in mind that any sins that are honestly forgotten are also forgiven when the priest absolves you. Thus, you do not need to fret over forgetting something -- it is forgiven too. If you do remember a major sin later, you can confess it specifically the next time you go to Confession, but it is already forgiven technically.

A good way to prepare for Confession is to read through a pamphlet of an Examination of Conscience (this is the one we give to our clients). From that you can make your list of sins to confess.

It does not matter whether or not the sins are venial or mortal. The Church teaches that venial sins are good to bring to the Sacrament as well since the Sacrament is not only a sacrament of confession, but also of healing and strengthening. We can use some strengthening in avoiding venial sins. So make you list of whatever sins. Do not worry about the class of sin.

As to the nature of the confession itself, the Church teaches that the minimum requirement is to confess the kind and number. For example, if one shoplifted at Sears, Macys, Target, and JC Penny, the confession would go, "Father, forgive me for I have sinned.... I accuse myself of shoplifting four times." Where you shoplifted is not needed, unless the priest asks you for that information.

As to the number of times, most priests do not ask that these days. You can just say, for example:

1. "...I accuse myself of lustful thoughts, pornography and masturbation, shoplifting, and uncharity toward my parents, etc..." (if the priest asks for a number then estimate it*)

2. Or, you can say something like , "...I accuse myself of lustful imaginations approximately _*__ times, pornography approximately _*__ times and masturbation approximately _*__ times..."

3. Or, "...I accuse myself of lustful fantasies, pornography and masturbation, but not sure of the number of times; perhaps __*__ times for the fantasies, __*__ times for looking at pornography, and __*__ times masturbating..."

*You can come up with an approximate number of times. Think of the general frequency, such once a day, twice a day, three times per week, or whatever it is. Then take that number and times it by the number of days or weeks since last confession. This number may not be exact, but it is close enough. God knows the exact number.

By the way, if you do not make it to confession, you are still bound to attend Mass. If you do not, then you have an additional sin to put on your list.

When not in a state of grace, go to Mass, but remain in your pew during communion.

Most people do not know this, but whenever a person is not receiving he is to remain in his pew, and not go forward to receive a blessing. The Church officially disapproves of this practice. One already receives a blessing during the Mass and thus we need to remain in the pew during Communion if not receiving for whatever reason. Instead the person may make an Act of  Spiritual Communion, such as:

My Jesus, I believe that Thou art present in the Blessed Sacrament. I love Thee above all things and I desire Thee in my soul. Since I cannot now receive Thee sacramentally, come at least spiritually into my heart. As though thou wert already there, I embrace Thee and unite myself wholly to Thee; permit not that I should ever be separated from Thee (from St. Alphonsus Maria de' Liguori).

While I am on the subject, if a person were to go forward to receive a blessing, only the Priest or Deacon may grant the blessing. Extraordinary Ministers are not to be granting blessings to communicants or to babies and little children who come up with their parents. Non-communicating parishioners need to stay in their pews, thus this situation ought not to come up in the first place.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary