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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
Parish Priest and Me	Cecilia	Sunday, March 27, 2011
Question: My husband and children have now been Catholics for the past 2 years. I am a revert to our Faith and very happy to be back. My husband went through RCIA and the children did their Holy Communion and Reconcilation. They are now in middle school. A few months ago while my son was on a camping trip with (an organization I don't want to name). another boy inappropriately touched my son. My son defended himself and that was the end of it. He didn't want to tell anyone, because he thought by defending himself he would get in "trouble". My son did tell us when he got home. It turned out to be a boy who is an altar boy in our parish. His family is active in the church. We told our son that he would have to speak up and let those in charge of the campout know what happened. That situation was handled within the organization and 2 other boys came forward about more serious incidents that my son did not know about. That Sunday I saw the altar boy in church and did not want my son to recieve the Eucharist in front of this boy (my son kneels before the Eucharist). The incident had happened the day before church. I went to the priest and quickly explained what had happened, and how we would prefer if my son does not take the Eucharist in front of this particular boy. The priest was understanding, and wanted me to confront the parents and discuss this situation, but the situation was to be settled through the organization (which it later was). The result was that there were several witnesses to incidents relating to this boy's inappropriate "games" with younger boys. A few months have passed and this boy has since moved. A few months later the priest asked for Altar Server volunteers. My son was the only one who volunteered. A member of the church was willing to train my son and get him started, but the priest said no. He said he wanted more boys to join. The priest sent this message through another person. My son was never called and since the priest has placed new servers including girls (which is fine, but Father has mentioned he prefers boys since they may one day become priests). I am so disappointed because I believe he may think my son falsely accused the boy. We know the facts came out within the organization that this boy had done something wrong. My son is a humble boy and is okay with not being an altar boy. Do I speak to this priest? He never really talks or acknowledges our family even before this incident so should I just ignore this or speak up? He is a very good and faithful priest. I can separate how he feels about us from him as a priest. He truly is a son of the Church and we appreciate how he loves the Eucharist and his Bride the Church. Thank you for having this forum. I live in the South and have a great need for a spiritual director. I don't know how to go about finding one so I am thankful for your site. Please pray for our family, that we continue to stay faithful. Thank you.
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r) Dear Cecilia: Welcome back to the Church. I praise God that you have returned and your husband in coming into the Church. I am sorry to hear about what happened to your son. If this situation was handled properly by the organization then that is to be applauded. Given the behavior of the boy in question he should not have been serving on the altar. You and your son had every right to feel uncomfortable receiving the Eucharist in this boy's presence. As for the petition to volunteer at the altar, you son (and you) have a right to know why. It is certainly possible that this incident may have been a motivating factor. If it was, then the priest is out-of-line. A good and faithful priest is a pastor to his people and does not ignore anyone in his flock. A good and faithful priest certainly does not discriminate against a poor boy who was a victim of some other boy's misconduct. The lack of leadership by most bishops in the United States has contributed to a climate of fear, paranoia, and prejudice when it comes to anything smacking of sexual misconduct. This is not how good and faithful pastors should be behaving. We cannot allow the Evil One to make us run scared. All that I say generically. We must be careful about speculation in the particular. Rather than wonder, if I were the boy's father, I would talk to the priest about it and ask why my son was not chosen to serve at the altar. The priest needs to be approached with respect and without presumption, but as the child's parents, you have a right to know the reason. If the priest gives an inappropriate reason, or dodges the question, then we have a problem. I would say that perhaps there were only so many spots and thus not all applicants could be chosen, but based on what you have said that cannot be the reason. Therefore, what is the reason? You have a right to know. Common ordinary courtesy as well as pastoral integrity dictates that the denial of accepting your son should not be made without explanation. With all that said, you will have to decide to ask the priest about it or to let is go. Because we have a right to something does not automatically mean we should pursue or demand that right. This is a principle taught by St. Paul (see 1 Corinthians 6:12 and 10:22b). Each case must be considered on its own merits and no one but the parties involved can discern whether or not it will be expedient to pursue the issue. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

Parish Priest and Me

Cecilia

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Question:

My husband and children have now been Catholics for the past 2 years. I am a revert to our Faith and very happy to be back. My husband went through RCIA and the children did their Holy Communion and Reconcilation. They are now in middle school.

A few months ago while my son was on a camping trip with (an organization I don't want to name). another boy inappropriately touched my son. My son defended himself and that was the end of it. He didn't want to tell anyone, because he thought by defending himself he would get in "trouble". My son did tell us when he got home.

It turned out to be a boy who is an altar boy in our parish. His family is active in the church. We told our son that he would have to speak up and let those in charge of the campout know what happened. That situation was handled within the organization and 2 other boys came forward about more serious incidents that my son did not know about.

That Sunday I saw the altar boy in church and did not want my son to recieve the Eucharist in front of this boy (my son kneels before the Eucharist). The incident had happened the day before church. I went to the priest and quickly explained what had happened, and how we would prefer if my son does not take the Eucharist in front of this particular boy. The priest was understanding, and wanted me to confront the parents and discuss this situation, but the situation was to be settled through the organization (which it later was). The result was that there were several witnesses to incidents relating to this boy's inappropriate "games" with younger boys. A few months have passed and this boy has since moved.

A few months later the priest asked for Altar Server volunteers. My son was the only one who volunteered. A member of the church was willing to train my son and get him started, but the priest said no. He said he wanted more boys to join. The priest sent this message through another person. My son was never called and since the priest has placed new servers including girls (which is fine, but Father has mentioned he prefers boys since they may one day become priests).

I am so disappointed because I believe he may think my son falsely accused the boy. We know the facts came out within the organization that this boy had done something wrong. My son is a humble boy and is okay with not being an altar boy.

Do I speak to this priest? He never really talks or acknowledges our family even before this incident so should I just ignore this or speak up? He is a very good and faithful priest.

I can separate how he feels about us from him as a priest. He truly is a son of the Church and we appreciate how he loves the Eucharist and his Bride the Church.

Thank you for having this forum. I live in the South and have a great need for a spiritual director. I don't know how to go about finding one so I am thankful for your site. Please pray for our family, that we continue to stay faithful. Thank you.

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OMSM(r)

Dear Cecilia:

Welcome back to the Church. I praise God that you have returned and your husband in coming into the Church.

I am sorry to hear about what happened to your son. If this situation was handled properly by the organization then that is to be applauded.

Given the behavior of the boy in question he should not have been serving on the altar. You and your son had every right to feel uncomfortable receiving the Eucharist in this boy's presence.

As for the petition to volunteer at the altar, you son (and you) have a right to know why. It is certainly possible that this incident may have been a motivating factor. If it was, then the priest is out-of-line. A good and faithful priest is a pastor to his people and does not ignore anyone in his flock. A good and faithful priest certainly does not discriminate against a poor boy who was a victim of some other boy's misconduct.

The lack of leadership by most bishops in the United States has contributed to a climate of fear, paranoia, and prejudice when it comes to anything smacking of sexual misconduct. This is not how good and faithful pastors should be behaving. We cannot allow the Evil One to make us run scared.

All that I say generically. We must be careful about speculation in the particular. Rather than wonder, if I were the boy's father, I would talk to the priest about it and ask why my son was not chosen to serve at the altar. The priest needs to be approached with respect and without presumption, but as the child's parents, you have a right to know the reason. If the priest gives an inappropriate reason, or dodges the question, then we have a problem.

I would say that perhaps there were only so many spots and thus not all applicants could be chosen, but based on what you have said that cannot be the reason. Therefore, what is the reason? You have a right to know. Common ordinary courtesy as well as pastoral integrity dictates that the denial of accepting your son should not be made without explanation.

With all that said, you will have to decide to ask the priest about it or to let is go. Because we have a right to something does not automatically mean we should pursue or demand that right. This is a principle taught by St. Paul (see 1 Corinthians 6:12 and 10:22b). Each case must be considered on its own merits and no one but the parties involved can discern whether or not it will be expedient to pursue the issue.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below:
Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum.
Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum
Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum
Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum
Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum