Dear Sheila:

I praise God that you have been able to forgive. Indeed, our Lord said that if we do not forgive, then He cannot forgive us (Matthew 6:15).

Your family, however, is incorrect in saying that to forgive one must forget, if by forgetting one suggest that we are to pretend that our abusers are not abusers and thus leave ourselves vulnerable to them.

We have a moral obligation and duty under God to protect our family, to seek truth, even if that protection must be from other family members who seek our harm. Indeed even Jesus himself said that families may be ripped apart because of Him:

(Matthew 10:34-36)  "Do not think that I have come to bring peace on earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man's foes will be those of his own household."

The truth is that a man and woman who marry are to be married until the day one of them dies. Let no man put asunder. If any family member is encouraging of facilitating the separation of spouses then they are doing the devil's work and they will stand before God to account for their mortal sin.

You are absolutely correct to say that these relatives should have no part with your family. We will pray for the reconciliation with your husband and that he will be enlightened to his relatives' evil in trying to destroy the marriage.

Forgiveness does means to "let go", not to forget that your enemies are your enemies. To forget that is irresponsible and opens one up for further attack.

In centuries past the phrase "forgive and forget" meant something different than what people mean by it today. The phrase means to "forgive and let go", to let God deal with the offender, to not seek revenge, but to get on with one's life.

The word "forgive" as an transitive verb means, "To renounce anger or resentment against". The word "forget" as an intransitive verb means, "to cease or omit to think of something." In otherwords, to let go. As long we we do not let go we, in essence, continue to allow the abuse to continue. We must let go of anger, let go of resentment and bitterness, and let go and let God deal with the person. But, that does not mean that we forget the person is an abuser and thus lay ourselves open to their abuse once again.

If a woman is raped, she needs to forgive her rapist as our Lord commands, but that does not mean that she should invite the rapist to dinner or ever allow him to be in her life in anyway.  That would be stupid and dangerous. Forgiveness is required, being stupid is not required.

I recommend to you and to your family our pamphlet on Dealing with Bitterness and Unforgiveness.

As for your illness, that is probably from the stress and heartache of your situation. That includes the stress of your family pressuring you to accept a false notion of what forgiveness means.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary