Ask a Question - or - Return to the Faith and Spirituality Forum Index

Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
Eligible for Annulment	mary	Wednesday, September 15, 2004
Question: I have recently started dating someone who was married for 22 years (she was 17, he was 19). He was baptised Catholic; they were married in the Baptist church. Their circumstances that lead to the divorce are below. My question is, is there any chance that this marriage can be considered invalid after so many years of marriage, regardless of the circumstances that lead to the divorce? Also, until he gets an annulment (if that is even possible), am I committing adultery by seeing him? Circumstances for divorce: D and R had a daughter, S, who was diagnosed with Leukemia at 18 months; the medication was dosed out erroneously, and lead to her mental retardation. When S was in 6th grade, R's father molested her. He spent 6 months in jail. Over time, R refused to believe that her father did this. R ended up having an affair with a married man, and eventually left the D and S to live with this man (she still lives with him; he is still not divorced). After seeking counseling for himself and his daughter, D is now convinced that R may also have been molested by her father when she was young, and simply refuses to acknowledge it. (R still has regular contact with her father.) D has continued to raise his daughter alone, has made sure she got a H.S. education, and is now seeking help for her to get a job and a place at a group home. I admire what he has done for her, and the responsibility he took on alone. I don't want it to appear that he is being punished for circumstances out of his control.
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM+ Dear Mary: A Catholic getting married outside of the Catholic Church makes the marriage invalid in most circumstances. Your boyfriend needs to check with the Marriage Tribunal of your diocese to double-check what needs to be done, if anything, to establish his "single" status that would allow him to marry. The number of years married has not bearing on this. The circumstances of the divorce will most likely have bearing only if your boyfriend must undergo an annulment process. Since his marriage may have been invalid to begin with, the normal annnulment process may not have to be done. Tthe first step is to talk to the Marriage Tribunal at the Diocese offices to see where he stands and what needs to be done. On the question concerning "seeing him", there is no sin in "seeing" a person, but there is sin in having sex with this person regardless of whether or not he was married before. Sex between two unmarried persons is fornication. Sex between a married person and an unmarried person is adultery. Both are grave sins. ANY sex outside of marriage is grave sin and unless confessed and absolved will prevent you from receiving the Eucharist. Being friends, even with the intention of future marriage once the mess is cleared up and a Church wedding is possible, is not a sin as long as you remain "friends" and not become "lovers". God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

Eligible for Annulment

mary

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Question:

I have recently started dating someone who was married for 22 years (she was 17, he was 19). He was baptised Catholic; they were married in the Baptist church. Their circumstances that lead to the divorce are below.

My question is, is there any chance that this marriage can be considered invalid after so many years of marriage, regardless of the circumstances that lead to the divorce? Also, until he gets an annulment (if that is even possible), am I committing adultery by seeing him?

Circumstances for divorce:
D and R had a daughter, S, who was diagnosed with Leukemia at 18 months; the medication was dosed out erroneously, and lead to her mental retardation. When S was in 6th grade, R's father molested her. He spent 6 months in jail. Over time, R refused to believe that her father did this. R ended up having an affair with a married man, and eventually left the D and S to live with this man (she still lives with him; he is still not divorced). After seeking counseling for himself and his daughter, D is now convinced that R may also have been molested by her father when she was young, and simply refuses to acknowledge it. (R still has regular contact with her father.) D has continued to raise his daughter alone, has made sure she got a H.S. education, and is now seeking help for her to get a job and a place at a group home. I admire what he has done for her, and the responsibility he took on alone. I don't want it to appear that he is being punished for circumstances out of his control.

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM+

Dear Mary:

A Catholic getting married outside of the Catholic Church makes the marriage invalid in most circumstances.

Your boyfriend needs to check with the Marriage Tribunal of your diocese to double-check what needs to be done, if anything, to establish his "single" status that would allow him to marry.

The number of years married has not bearing on this. The circumstances of the divorce will most likely have bearing only if your boyfriend must undergo an annulment process. Since his marriage may have been invalid to begin with, the normal annnulment process may not have to be done. Tthe first step is to talk to the Marriage Tribunal at the Diocese offices to see where he stands and what needs to be done.

On the question concerning "seeing him", there is no sin in "seeing" a person, but there is sin in having sex with this person regardless of whether or not he was married before. Sex between two unmarried persons is fornication. Sex between a married person and an unmarried person is adultery. Both are grave sins.

ANY sex outside of marriage is grave sin and unless confessed and absolved will prevent you from receiving the Eucharist.

Being friends, even with the intention of future marriage once the mess is cleared up and a Church wedding is possible, is not a sin as long as you remain "friends" and not become "lovers".

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below:
Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum.
Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum
Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum
Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum
Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum