Dear Suzanne:

I am sorry to hear that your boyfriend was/is depressed, but this is not the "Dark Night of the Soul."

The Dark Night of the Soul is something experienced as a gift from God that leads holy people, in their contemplative journey to greater and greater intimacy with God, to the mystical union (mystical marriage) with God. Few people experience this and those holy people who do still behave and act with great devotion. 

Even a person in a "dry" period still maintains his devotion.

Your boyfriend is not experiencing the Dark Night nor a dry period. He is experiencing spiritual depression and probably psychological depression. This is caused from his lack of faith to deal with whatever he had to deal with. To still maintain this demeanor is a sign of pride -- the pride of self-deprecation, not caring, spiritual laziness, not trusting God, etc.

This man is not eligible for marriage to anyone. For anyone, regardless of age, to marry this man would be foolish. You need to terminate this relationship. And, in any event, you must cease living with him and having sex with him totally. You are endangering your own soul and placing your child in spiritual danger.

In terms of your child, it does not matter that your "husband" would not stand in the way of a Catholic teaching. The point is that he is not capable of being a Catholic father. Children learn mostly from what they see in their parents, not what they read or experience at school.

The father is suppose to be the priest of the home. How can this man do that? How can this man model what a good Catholic man is suppose to be like?

Frankly, Suzanne, I will say this with brutal honestly. If you remain with this man, then you are selfish and consider him to be more important than the welfare of your child. Do not subject your child to a man who cannot model devout Catholic manhood and fatherhood. If you do then you have failed in your duty as a single-parent  If you marry him, then you are a fool and you endanger the spiritual health of your children.

This is a no-brainer.

As for the brain development issue, this is not about "maturity for one's age." I was mature for my age as well. Mature-for-age is not the same thing as maturity. This is about having the capacity for wise decision-making. A person regardless of how mature otherwise, cannot exercise a full capacity for wise decision-making if the structure in the brain is not there, or is undeveloped.

Even then, when the brain structures are there, at around 20-21 years of age, this does not magically mean that the person will make wise decisions. Now that the brain structure is present, it has to be trained. That training comes from experience and overall maturity. Experience and overall maturity does not exist in a young adult. This is one of the reasons why the 20s tend to be a unstable.

Because of these facts, and for other reasons, the rule of thumb is that a man should not get married until at least 26-27 years of age. A woman should not get married until around 25-26 years of age. It is not until the mid to late 20s that a person has sufficient experience and maturity to even think about marriage; and even then it may be too soon.

Unfortunately, in our culture of the United States, which is the most immature culture on the planet, adolescence tends to last until the early 30s at least; and many never grow up.

Despite the fact that you have a child, do not complicate your life, and the child's, with another unwise and imprudent decision to marry a man who is not qualified for marriage, or any man for that matter until such time as you are older.

Since this is not a discussion forum, if you wish to discuss this further please join our Chew the Rag Cafe linked below.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary