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WARNING!! This question and answer is of a mature nature. Parental discretion is advised.

Dear Dan:

Oral sex is permitted as long as ejaculation is vaginal. Openness to life must always be present in the marital embrace. Thus, ejaculation must always be vaginal.

The first time I was asked the question about anal sex I was not sure how to answer. So I contacted Father Most, now passed on, who was one of the top moral theologians in the United States. He told me, "it is ugly, but permissible" if there is no ejaculation. As mentioned, ejaculation must always be vaginal.

I would encourage you to re-consider the anal sex practice for several reasons:

First, the anus is not designed for this purpose. Such practices can serious damage the tissue and structure of the anus and colon. This is an "unnatural" act.

Second, because the anus is what it is there is danger of disease.

Third, practices such as this can lead to the development disordered sexual pleasure that detracts from pleasure in normal sexual practices that can lead to paraphilias (such as fetishes or even sadomasochism). In fact, you allude to this danger in saying that you and your wife "enjoy" this. Do not underestimate how this practice can potentially be the beginning of a slippery slope into sexually deviant behavior. None of us are immune from the possibilities of deteriorating behavior when we travel the side roads.

Fourth, while it is true what Father Most said, that this practice is "ugly, but permissible" if there is no ejaculation, anal sex it is not prudent, it can be dangerous, and it is not a practice of purity that leads a marriage into holiness. This is why anal sex has historically been referred to in slang as sex with the "the devil's porthole."

As Christians we are called to a higher standard. Both maturity and the Christian ethic lead us to seek a higher road. St. Paul warns us, (1 Cor 10:23) "All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not."

This means that just because we are technically allowed to do something, does not mean we ought to do it. The virtues of prudence, temperance, love, etc. suggest that we may need to refrain at times from things that we may technically be allowed to do. Maturity and the seeking of that which is pure and perfect also precludes us from doing some things merely because we are technically allowed to do them. It is the immature person who protests that "I am allowed to do it, so I will when I want to."

I pray that you and your wife re-consider this and instead practice the marital embrace in the beauty and holiness that it was meant to be as the image of the relationship with Christ and His Church. The "devil's porthole" does not do this.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary