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WARNING!! This question and answer is of a mature nature. Parental discretion is advised.

Dear Max:

I praise God that you wish to remain loyal to Catholic teachings about the marital embrace.

I must begin, however, with a little slap: Under NFP there are days of abstinence. To be blunt, no matter how "attracted" you are to your wife, if you and/or you wife cannot abstain for the few days required, then we have another problem, a maturity and self-discipline problem. The days of abstinence can be a time for closeness and a more mature kind of intimacy that does not require any kind of sex. It is a time of prayer and giving of oneself, and the marriage to God for renewal. You need to work on that. The Couple-to-Couple League can help you.

Another little slap, for our readers, since in your case the horse has already left the barn, concerns the statement, "practicing Natural Family Planning (NFP) since our engagement."

Since sex before the wedding night is mortal sin, to practice NFP for moral reasons when not married is like a person buying a 1200 calorie hamburger at a fast-food joint, and justifying it by ordering a Diet Pop

But, as to your questions:

1) what is considered to be the proper treatment for PE as I can stay true to my Catholic beliefs and virtues? i have "conquered" masturbation and do not want to let any of such secular treatments like that to put me in peril?

Any treatment for Premature Ejaculation that involves any morally evil act may not be done. Some sex therapist have their patients masturbate and their wife squeeze the penis to prevent ejaculation. Masturbation is a moral evil and there is no legitimate medical reason to require it. Any method that would require ejaculating outside of your wife's vagina, is morally unacceptable and a moral evil.

2) speaking of methods, is it ok for the stop-start method and possibly go early by mistake?

If ejaculation is truly a mistake, there is no sin. But, to practice any method when you have a good idea that ejaculation is likely will be culpable. If this method is likely to cause ejaculation, then you must not use it.

3) Would it be okay to ejaculate with oral sex and then later during the same episode of being with my wife have relations with her and complete the love act to last longer?

There is no circumstance whereby purposely ejaculating outside of your wife's vagina is acceptable. This is a moral evil.

4) is it a sin to actually use a condom or other items for the sole purpose to elongate the sexual experience and then remove the items upon climax so we can be still open to life?

You are taking a great risk to use the method of condoms to prolong the time before ejaculation, even if the ejaculation itself is vaginal. This is not prudent. In general, condoms are designed in such a way as to not reduce stimulation to any significant degree. As long as ejaculation is vaginal, this may be technically okay, but you are playing with fire here, especially since it is too easy to not remove the items in time.

5) it seems like our family is "complete" and my wife and I don"t seem to be ready at any time in the future for another child, is it a sin to get a vasectomy?

Vasectomy is permanently closing off openness to life. It is a moral evil, a mortal sin.

You cannot "decide" to have no more children just because you think your family is
"complete". There is no such thing as a family being "complete" in this way.

You can use NFP only and only if your reasons for using it are proper. "Just because we don't want any more kids" is not morally acceptable. It is not only an immoral reason, but it is selfish and immature. The only way to accomplish no more kids is to permanently abstain from sex altogether, but as St. Paul tells us this is not wise or healthy for the marriage.

(1 Corinthians 7:2-6)  But because of the temptation to immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not rule over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not rule over his own body, but the wife does.

Do not refuse one another except perhaps by agreement for a season, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, lest Satan tempt you through lack of self-control. I say this by way of concession, not of command.

It would be foolishness to ignore this Biblical advice.

As for regulating births, the Catechism states:

2366 Fecundity is a gift, an end of marriage, for conjugal love naturally tends to be fruitful. A child does not come from outside as something added on to the mutual love of the spouses, but springs from the very heart of that mutual giving, as its fruit and fulfillment. So the Church, which is "on the side of life," teaches that "it is necessary that each and every marriage act remain ordered per se to the procreation of human life." "This particular doctrine, expounded on numerous occasions by the Magisterium, is based on the inseparable connection, established by God, which man on his own initiative may not break, between the unitive significance and the procreative significance which are both inherent to the marriage act."

2367 Called to give life, spouses share in the creative power and fatherhood of God. "Married couples should regard it as their proper mission to transmit human life and to educate their children; they should realize that they are thereby cooperating with the love of God the Creator and are, in a certain sense, its interpreters. They will fulfill this duty with a sense of human and Christian responsibility."

2368 A particular aspect of this responsibility concerns the regulation of procreation. For just reasons, spouses may wish to space the births of their children. It is their duty to make certain that their desire is not motivated by selfishness but is in conformity with the generosity appropriate to responsible parenthood. Moreover, they should conform their behavior to the objective criteria of morality:

When it is a question of harmonizing married love with the responsible transmission of life, the morality of the behavior does not depend on sincere intention and evaluation of motives alone; but it must be determined by objective criteria, criteria drawn from the nature of the person and his acts, criteria that respect the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love; this is possible only if the virtue of married chastity is practiced with sincerity of heart.

2369 "By safeguarding both these essential aspects, the unitive and the procreative, the conjugal act preserves in its fullness the sense of true mutual love and its orientation toward man's exalted vocation to parenthood."

2370 Periodic continence, that is, the methods of birth regulation based on self-observation and the use of infertile periods, is in conformity with the objective criteria of morality. These methods respect the bodies of the spouses, encourage tenderness between them, and favor the education of an authentic freedom. In contrast, "every action which, whether in anticipation of the conjugal act, or in its accomplishment, or in the development of its natural consequences, proposes, whether as an end or as a means, to render procreation impossible" is intrinsically evil:

Thus the innate language that expresses the total reciprocal self-giving of husband and wife is overlaid, through contraception, by an objectively contradictory language, namely, that of not giving oneself totally to the other. This leads not only to a positive refusal to be open to life but also to a falsification of the inner truth of conjugal love, which is called upon to give itself in personal totality. . . . The difference, both anthropological and moral, between contraception and recourse to the rhythm of the cycle . . . involves in the final analysis two irreconcilable concepts of the human person and of human sexuality.

2371 "Let all be convinced that human life and the duty of transmitting it are not limited by the horizons of this life only: their true evaluation and full significance can be understood only in reference to man's eternal destiny."¹⁶¹

The gift of a child

2373 Sacred Scripture and the Church's traditional practice see in large families a sign of God's blessing and the parents' generosity.

We cannot practice a "contraceptive mentality" even if using NFP. There must always be present a serious reason for using NFP.

It would seem that you are being tempted to a very worldly mind about these issues. We need to conform our minds to the mind of Christ, not the worldly way of looking at things.

I would advise that you and your wife work on Christian Resignation to the Will of God. We cannot truly be free from worldly thinking, or from our own temptations, if we do not work on Resigning (abandoning) ourselves to our Lord.

Here is a document you can download, read, and then pray the prayers included on a regular basis to help you in the pursuit of Christian Resignation.

We will be praying for you and your wife.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary