Question:
Dear Bro. Ignatius
I wrote to you a long time ago on this topic. Now I am beginning the RCIA process, and find myself in a sticky situation.
To make a long story short, when I was young teenager I was deeply interested in the Church. I asked my dad (who is not religious) to baptize me. I thought he did it wrong the first time (thought the water only touched my hair) so I had him do it over again using the formula “If you are not baptized then, etc.…” Flowing water and the Trinitarian formula were used. I may have asked him if he had the proper intention, but I can’t be sure. I realize this was very wrong of me (and highly illicit), and have since repented of my actions.
I recently spoke with the pastor of my local parish, and he said that this ‘baptism’ was invalid because of a defect of intention. He says that my dad was trying to please me rather than ‘do what the Church does.’ This could very well be true, but I still have reservations. My pastor wants me to be baptized absolutely. Because there is only doubt of validity, and no definite proof, I always thought that I would be baptized conditionally, confess and receive conditional absolution.
I really don’t want to sound arrogant, but I also have a feeling that the priest might be misinterpreting some aspects of Church Law. For example, he led me to believe that lay people/non-Christians etc. can only validly baptize in the case of an emergency. I thought that it was possible for anyone to validly baptize anyone at anytime, but if this occurs in a non-emergency situation, then the act is illicit (which would constitute grave matter for the person(s) involved) but not necessarily invalid.
What I am scared of is this: if the attempted “baptism” my dad performed was actually valid, and I do things the pastor’s way, then at the Easter Vigil I would be receiving baptism all over again, as well as receiving Holy Communion and Confirmation with unconfessed mortal sins on my soul. How should I handle this situation—should I request conditional baptism?
I’m not sure about approaching my pastor again on the matter. I’ve talked to him twice about it, and he strongly urged me to forget about these concerns. I want to be obedient. After all, I am not a priest—I don’t call the shots. But I do want to make sure I’m doing what is right in God’s eyes. Any help would be appreciated. This is a real mess (of my own making). Sorry for any confusion. God bless.
Dear Cameron:
It is true that anyone, even a Satanist, can baptize someone validity at anytime if they do it correctly. But, such baptism, while valid, are not licit. The norm is that laity can baptize only in an emergency. But none of that is the point here.
The point is that the Church must have proof of a valid baptism. If there is any question at all, even the smallest question, then the Church will do a "conditional baptism." It is the diocese, however, not you, who determines if a conditional baptism is required. This is critically important because baptism is the entry to all other Sacraments. If one is not validly baptized then they cannot receive any of the other Sacraments. So, this is important.
Thus, even if the baptism from your father is valid, most likely the diocese would require a conditional baptism anyway once they audit the records of your entry into the Church.
When I converted to the Catholic Church I had to have a conditional baptism (which took place about seven months after I was confirmed--that's how long the audits took). I was validly baptized at a Baptist Church in 1970. The problem is that the church lost the records. Thus, I could not provide documentary proof of my baptism, hence the conditional baptism.
A person can only be validly baptized once. Thus, in situations like this where the Church is not sure and thus requires a "conditional baptism" the baptism is in essence, "if you are already validly baptized, then you are just getting wet today. If you are not already validly baptized, then you are now." That is what is meant by "conditional".
If the priest has determined that your baptism was not valid, then accept that. It is not a big deal. Go ahead with the full Baptismal Rite.
Regardless of the baptism issue, you need not fear about receiving the Eucharist or Confirmation with mortal sins on your soul.
Usually, in the week prior to the Easter Vigil, each candidate receives the Sacrament of Confession. Catechumens (those not already validly baptized) are also given this opportunity many times. But, in fact, Catechumens do not need confession before Baptism as the Sacrament of Baptist washes away not only Original Sin, but all Personal Sins committed before the Baptism. So you are covered.
Baptism will be done before you are allowed the Holy Eucharist or Confirmation.
Check with your pastor on what will be needed in your case. But, to not fear, the Church knows what she is doing 
God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary
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