Dear Andrea:

I am sorry that you are in this position. You need to immediately terminate this relationship with this manipulative, controlling, abusive, and evil man. Do not let him into your home again. Change the locks, get a restraining order against him, if needed.

From what you have described I question whether or not your marriage to him is actually a legal marriage. To my knowledge, all state laws require witnesses to the marriage for it to be valid. I would certainly talk to an attorney about that as it sounds like you were never legally married to him. The attorney can also advise you about about divorce, if that is needed, and other legal matters pertaining to your relationship with him. Many attorneys will give you 30 minutes of free consultation. This will at least let you know where you stand legally and give you an idea of potential cost. If there are financial concerns, then check with Legal Services Corporation in your town or state. This link will allow you to locate local free legal services. 

As for the Church, in order to have a valid marriage one must be single. That means that your previous marriage had to be annulled for you to marry again in the eyes of God and His Church. Without that annulment you are still married to your first husband, if he is still alive. Secondly, even with annulment of the previous marriage, this marriage must be public and in the Church, exchanging vows before a Priest. Since this man is not a Christian (Mormons are not Christian), a dispensation from the Bishop would have been required to marry him. If none of that happened, then, according to the Church, you were never married to this man in the eyes of God, and have lived in sin all these years. To not fear, God forgives.

Now that you know this, you must cease sexual relations with him. Given the kind of man he is, make sure that you tell others that you are ceasing all sexual relations with him, even write down this intention and sign it and have two witnesses sign it to prove this is your intention. If need be, you can refer to this Q&A as proof to the police or court that you were advised to do this.

Then, refuse him the next time he approaches you. If he forces you, then call the police to report that he raped you. Men cannot force their wives to have sex. Even if married to the man, it is still rape in all jurisdictions of the U.S. that I am aware of, but check with an attorney on that.

As for the your relationship with the Church, seek out a priest in the local parish. Ask about what you need to do to come back to the Church. Given that it sounds like this marriage was not valid in the first place, this procedure can be relatively simple. But, whatever is needed, begin that process with the Church.

You also need to ask for the Sacrament of Confession. Confess all your sins since your last confession, even though that may have been twenty years ago. Do not be embarrassed about that. Confess your sins, including marrying this man without an annulment of the previous marriage, if that is the case, and marrying this man outside of the Church.

God loves you. It is possible to clean up this mess and come back into fellowship with God and His Church.

Pray to our Blessed Mother for comfort and protection. Pray to St. Michael the Archangel for protection. Also pray for help to St. Rita of Cascia. She is the patroness for those who are victims of spouse abuse. You are being abused. If necessary, seek out a Woman's Shelter if you feel threatened as you begin to end this horror.

We will certainly be in prayer for you.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary