Dear Robert:
St. Teresa, as usual, has brought the whole of what it means to be humble into a single phrase -- Truth.
Humility is seeing yourself truthfully. That means not seeing yourself as more than you are AND not seeing yourself as less than you are.
We usually associate the lack of humility with pride, ego, bragging, claiming more than one's due, etc. It is true that such attributes lack humility. But the opposite attributes also lack humility: put ourselves down, not accepting due compliments, claiming less than we are due.
Let me illustrate. Let us say that I play the piano at a concert pianist level of ability and you said to me, "Brother, you play beautifully." If I respond with, "Thanks, but no, I am really not good" then I have failed at humility because the truth is that I do play very well. The humble response should be, "Thank you" and that is it.
Both sides of this coin is actually forms of pride. To claim more for oneself, or to claim less for oneself is both pride.
In the illustration above how would you respond if I said that I did not really play well? You next words would likely be, "Oh, yes you do, you play wonderfully." So I get two compliments for the price of one. To claim less for yourself than what you are due is false humility.
Humility is knowing who you are and not claiming more for yourself than what you have and not claiming less for yourself than what you actually are. Humility is obedience even in the face of humiliation. Humility is considering others as better than yourself (Phil 2:3).
The issue of pride and humility is one of the sessions we conduct with our counseling clients. We give them a brochure which states in part:
Pride is a killer. Pride says, “I can do it! I can get myself out of this mess without God and without anyone else’s help.” No we can’t! We absolutely need God, and we desperately need each other. St. Paul wrote: “We worship in the Spirit of God and glory in Christ and put no confidence in the flesh” (Phil 3:3). In Galatians 5:16 St. Paul teaches again on this subject: “Do not gratify the desires of the flesh.”
We often place our confidence in the flesh not only with the “I can do it myself” attitude but each time we assert our own opinions above the teachings of Christ.
St Augustine wrote about this: “Lord, those are your best servants who wish to shape their life on Your answers rather than to shape your answers on their wishes.” We need to conform our lives to the teachings of God, not conform God’s teachings to the way we want to live our lives.
It is a pride and an immaturity to say, “I wanna do it my way” without regard to the ways God teaches us to go. This is an arrogance that not only can get us into major trouble but also forms a major vulnerability for demons to come into our life.
Impatience is also factor of pride and immaturity. Impatience says also, “I wanna do it my way” and this person is doing it some other way and causing the project to slow down, “I know the best and most efficient way and how dare others get in the way of that”; or “How dare things not go my way” or “How dare some person or something get in the way of what I want to do” and so we get impatient when we cannot find the car keys and we are late for a meeting, or someone is driving to slow on the highway, or when the computer acts up and interrupts our train of thought or cause us to have troubleshoot the problems.
Impatience is the sister to Pride because it is causes essentially by our desire to have things our own way, in our own time, and according to our own preferences. Anything that gets in the way — a flat tire, lost keys, computer glitch, baby getting dirty at the last minute — interferes with our plans and gets in our way. Thus we become impatient.
Other ways Pride infects us is in rebellion. In fact the foundation of is Pride. It was Pride that inspired Lucifer to rebel against God. Lucifer did not want to accept God’s plan. He thought he new a better way. This pride, arrogance, and rebellion got him kicked out of heaven. Pride can keep us from heaven, too.
Pride is also the engine behind egotism (thinking more of oneself than one ought) and behind false humility (putting oneself down to be less than what one actually is). Pride is the force behind resistance to lawful and appropriate authority - whether that authority is a parent, teacher, police officer, government, employer, or the Church.
Pride is the basis of thinking of oneself as better than others, being pompous, and having contempt toward one’s neighbors, employers, other family members, or the Church and her ministers.
Pride can also rear its ugly head in more subtle ways such as reluctance to apologize when we need to apologize, demanding our rights merely because it is our right, impatience, being inappropriately unkind or rude, jealousy, being quick-tempered, moodiness, major impatience when we lose our car keys that leads us to curse or get really upset, brooding over wrongs done by others to oneself, depression and despair, or demanding that we are right about something, when indeed we are right about the issue, even though the issue is unimportant or can be handled differently (this is a major phenomena in marriages, families, and friendships — the phrase “We need to choose our battles” is an important remedy for this).
Other ways that Pride expresses itself include: by taking personal credit for gifts or possessions and thus refusing to acknowledge that we have what we have by God’s Providence; glorying in our achievements as if they were not primary a result of God’s grace and divine goodness; by minimizing one’s defeats; by claiming qualities that are not actually possessed; magnifying the faults and defects of others or dwelling upon the defects and faults of others.
James 4:6-10 and 1 Peter 5:1-10 reveals that spiritual conflict follows pride.
The remedies for Pride are:
1) sincere knowledge of oneself;
2) the acceptance of daily humiliations;
3) avoidance of even the least self-complacency;
4) humble acknowledgment of one’s faults; and
5) prayerful communion with God.
Humility is the opposite of all those things listed in the brochure on Pride.
A good way to understand the sublime depth to which true humility reaches, read and pray the Litany of Humility. That link includes a good explanation of the Litany as well.
In addition to praying the Litany of Humility, we have our clients pray the following prayer to help them to attain true humility:
Dear Heavenly Father. You have said that pride goes before destruction and an arrogant spirit before stumbling (Prov. 16:18). I confess that I have not denied myself, picked up my cross daily, and followed You (Matt. 16:24). In so doing I have given ground to the enemy in my life. I have believed that I could be successful and live victoriously by my own strength and resources. I confess that I have sinned against You many times by placing my will before Yours and by centering my life around self instead of You.
I now renounce the self-life and by so doing cancel all the ground that has been gained in my life by the enemies of the Lord Jesus Christ. I pray that You will guide me so that I will do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind that I will regard others as more important than myself (Phil. 2:3). Enable me through love to serve others and in honor to prefer others (Rom. 12:10).
I ask this, my Lord, strengthened by the intercession of the Immaculate Virgin Mary, Mother of God, of Blessed Michael the Archangel, of the Blessed Apostles Peter and Paul, Sts. Benedict, Basil, Padre Pio, Bruno, Dymphna, and my Guardian Angel, and all the Saints and Angels of heaven, and powerful in the holy authority of Your Name. Amen.
Bottomline: humility is truth. Be truthful with yourself and with others about who you are; avoid masks, be who you are as you are. Have a demeanor that St. Paul teaches us:
(Phil 2:3-5) Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.
I hope this helps.
God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary