Dear Suzanne:

It sounds like you got yourself in a pickle. You decided, apparently, to have pre-marital sex, then to sin again by getting married outside of the Church with a man already married, and then to sin again by living in adultery by having sex with your "husband." That is a lot of sin. I am happy to hear that you are tied of living in sin.

To begin that process you need to be fully aware of your own sin. You did not "have to get married" before a judge. That was a choice you made that did not have to be made. Even if you were pregnant that does not excuse the additional sin of getting married outside of the Church to a man who is already married.

As for money, one does not have to have money to seek an annulment. No one is denied an annulment for lack of money. The diocese will ask your husband to defray the costs of the annulment process, but if that money is not paid, the annulment process continues anyway.

In my own case, I never did pay the total fee for my annulment because I did not have the money to do so. I still received the annulment.

You need to tell your husband that if he loves you (and himself, since his soul is at risk too) that he will immediately petition for an annulment. If the money is not there to pay the fee, petition anyway. As I said, no one is denied an annulment for lack of money.

His action to not care and not seek an annulment is hateful. If he refuses this then he does not love you.

If he refuses to do this then you have no choice but to either separate from him, or at least stop having sex with him. If you cease having sex with him, you can go to confession to confess the pre-marital sex, the marriage outside the Church, the marrying a man who is already married, and living in adultery. Once that and all other sins are confessed and you receive absolution, you can return to a Catholic in good standing, in a state of grace, and thus receive the Eucharist.

By the way, even if you do not do all this, you should be going to Mass anyway every Sunday. Don't compound all the sin you have already done and are living with yet another grave sin of not attending Mass. Until such time as you are in a state of grace when you attend Mass remain in your pew as you cannot receive the Eucharist at the moment.

What I have said here may seem harsh, but your soul is at risk of hell. Even if your husband decides to thumb his nose at God and risk hell, doesn't mean you have to follow him into perdition.

For the sake of yourself and your child, I pray that you take this advice. Actually, it is for your husband's sake too, because if you follow through on this hopefully it will wake him up as to the seriousness of this and he might do the right thing.

We will be praying for you and your husband.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary