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WARNING!! This question and answer is of a mature nature. Parental discretion is advised.

Dear John:

As I understand it, a common side-effect, but not always a side-effect to the TURP surgery is retrograde ejaculation. This is when semen upon ejaculation flows up toward the bladder instead of leaving the body as usual. This condition makes the man infertile.

Obviously, the issue of openness to life is not an immediate issue, but such a condition does not eliminate the basic virtues and ethics of proper use of marital relations.  My answer here is not suggesting that all of these factors listed below apply in your case as I am writing for the total audience in addition to answering your specific question.

There are at least three issues to consider when infertility is present on the part of the husband or wife.

1. the appropriateness of the pursuit of orgasm
2. the psychological and spiritual effects of intercourse and orgasm
3. the openness to God's providence

1. the appropriateness of the pursuit of orgasm

We live in a very over-sexualized society. Sex is seen as an end in itself. Indeed, there is a culture that if one does not have sex by the third date something is wrong.

Even within marriage the marital embrace that is suppose to be about love, bonding, and pro-creation has become a pursuit for the perfect orgasm. On regular TV we shamefully see advertising for products to enhance organism, masturbation devices, male enhancement devices, etc. Books are published to teach people how to have the best and greatest organism possible.

In the extreme this culture has lead some people into bizarre and dangerous practices, such as suffocation sex here one is suffocated to gain a more intense organism. People have died as a result of this practice. Other practices, such as Sadomasochism, is an ancient method to enhance organism that is still popular among some people.

Even without those extremes it is common to focus on orgasm rather than love. The euphenism is "love-making" not "orgasm-making". Organism is a side-benefit of the expression of physical love between a husband and wife. It is not, and should not, be the ultimate focus.

The focus of the marital embrace should be love and intimacy. There are many couple who are infertile, or even "orgasmic" impotent, but still have a loving physical relationship without an orgasm. One's marital life need not be depreciated because of the lack of orgasm, or in the case impotence the lack of intercourse.

I saw a erectile dysfunction advertisement on TV where one person said something like, "Why miss out on the best part of life, when you can have life with ..... (this product)."

Excuse me, but the best part of life is not sex and one can have a full and wonderful life with their spouse without sex.

The bottomline here is that orgasm should not be seen as a end of itself and sought at all costs.

2. the psychological and spiritual effects of intercourse and orgasm

There is a sublime and profound experience, that goes down to the soul, by the marital embrace. It is this embrace, not orgasm itself, that bonds together the husband and wife. Thus, even if the couple are infertile, sterile, barren, old, or whatever, the normal marital embrace remains as the proper expression of physical love between the spouses.

There is no doubt that orgasm is a normal part of this bonding, but it is not required.

Bottomline is that the use of sexual faculty does not change even when there is infertility, sterility, old age, etc.

3. the openness to God's providence

Even in circumstances where one allegedly cannot have children, we must still be open to life because God may decide to grant a miracle to the couple. We see an example of this in the Bible. Abraham was in his 90's and his wife in her 80's but God told Abraham that his wife would bare a child. It was medically not possible for Abraham's wife to get pregnant, but God made it so anyway. For God to do this that means that Abraham and his wife had to be having intercourse.

Frankly, even in the case of a woman with a hysterectomy is not an excuse to suspend the normal "openness to life" as God can, if he wishes, miraculously heal the woman and give her a womb and fertility once again.

In the situation of retrograde ejaculation, while is is not likely for this to reverse itself, it would be a rather simple thing for God to reverse this condition. Thus, one needs to be open to life at all times.

Bottomine is that couples need to be always open to life in their sexual practices even if the husband or wife is infertile for whatever reasons -- or, as silly as it seems, even if the woman is 90 years old or has a hysterectomy. God is not silly. He can heal any condition; we must always be open to that.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary