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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
gift of singleness	stacey	Thursday, February 18, 2010
Question: I have developed a strong desire over the past few years to eventually find a husband and get married. I am 41, never married, no kids, and have prayed to God to find me someone who is Godly. It's hard being alone and not haviing another person to share my life with. When I try to discuss this with other Christians I hear things like "God must have given you the gift of singleness" or "have you considered that God doesn't want you to EVER marry." Then there is my personal favorite "you have to completely not want it before God gives it to you." It breaks my heart when people tell me that. I've had people even tell me that my desire for a husband meant I wasn't spiritual enough or didn't love God enough. In other words, to have the desire somehow means I don't love God enough? Not true! Is there any biblical teaching about the gift of singleness? Didn't Paul preach that? Would God give you the gift of singleness if you had a strong desire to marry? Doesn't make sense to me. Does this mean I just have to suck it up and accept my possible fate despite my desire? This makes me sad and want to cry.
Question Answered by Dear Stacey: Both Jesus and St. Paul talk about celibacy. Jesus said that some people become eunuchs for the Kingdom of God. I am one of those eunuchs. That means that I have taken a vow of celibacy and chastity as a consecrated brother (monk-type vocation). God also does call some people to the single life without the person becoming a monk or nun. These ordinary lay people live in the world like everyone else but remain single (celibate) and chaste (no sex) their whole lives. St. Paul said, however, that if one cannot live the single life and the demands that come with that life (such no sex), then the person ought to marry. Marriage is a holy and honorable estate. These people who are telling you that to want to find a husband is a sign of lack of spirituality or lack of love for God are idiots. God invented marriage to honor him and to procreate His creation. It is a holy thing to desire marriage (for the right reasons). If you have this desire for marriage, then praise God for that desire and ask God to help you do what is necessary to find a husband. But, God will not do this for you. You must go out and do the things needed to meet eligible and good Christian men. Joining single groups at Church is a great way to meet people. As for the "you have to completely not want it before God gives it to you" there is a little grain of truth to that. If one tries too hard it can show as desperation. Desperate women do not attract the right sort of men. When one relaxes and goes with the flow, is comfortable in their singleness, yet available for courtship and marriage that comfort with oneself will be far more attractive to men. Bottomline: thank God for your singleness, ask God to help you to relax and seek out appropriate venues for meeting eligible Christian men, and praise God no matter what happens. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

gift of singleness

stacey

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Question:

I have developed a strong desire over the past few years to eventually find a husband and get married. I am 41, never married, no kids, and have prayed to God to find me someone who is Godly. It's hard being alone and not haviing another person to share my life with. When I try to discuss this with other Christians I hear things like "God must have given you the gift of singleness" or "have you considered that God doesn't want you to EVER marry." Then there is my personal favorite "you have to completely not want it before God gives it to you." It breaks my heart when people tell me that. I've had people even tell me that my desire for a husband meant I wasn't spiritual enough or didn't love God enough. In other words, to have the desire somehow means I don't love God enough? Not true!

Is there any biblical teaching about the gift of singleness? Didn't Paul preach that? Would God give you the gift of singleness if you had a strong desire to marry? Doesn't make sense to me. Does this mean I just have to suck it up and accept my possible fate despite my desire? This makes me sad and want to cry.

Question Answered by

Dear Stacey:

Both Jesus and St. Paul talk about celibacy. Jesus said that some people become eunuchs for the Kingdom of God. I am one of those eunuchs. That means that I have taken a vow of celibacy and chastity as a consecrated brother (monk-type vocation). God also does call some people to the single life without the person becoming a monk or nun. These ordinary lay people live in the world like everyone else but remain single (celibate) and chaste (no sex) their whole lives.

St. Paul said, however, that if one cannot live the single life and the demands that come with that life (such no sex), then the person ought to marry.

Marriage is a holy and honorable estate. These people who are telling you that to want to find a husband is a sign of lack of spirituality or lack of love for God are idiots. God invented marriage to honor him and to procreate His creation. It is a holy thing to desire marriage (for the right reasons).

If you have this desire for marriage, then praise God for that desire and ask God to help you do what is necessary to find a husband. But, God will not do this for you. You must go out and do the things needed to meet eligible and good Christian men. Joining single groups at Church is a great way to meet people.

As for the "you have to completely not want it before God gives it to you" there is a little grain of truth to that. If one tries too hard it can show as desperation. Desperate women do not attract the right sort of men. When one relaxes and goes with the flow, is comfortable in their singleness, yet available for courtship and marriage that comfort with oneself will be far more attractive to men.

Bottomline: thank God for your singleness, ask God to help you to relax and seek out appropriate venues for meeting eligible Christian men, and praise God no matter what happens.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below:
Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum.
Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum
Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum
Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum
Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum