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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
What am I supposed to think?	Jan	Monday, September 6, 2004
Question: Brother Ignatius: I doubt you will have any answers for me, but I would appreciate your input, regardless. My mother was in and out of mental institutions since I was four years old. She had undiagnosed lupus which manifested itself as a mental disease for 30-plus years before diagnosis. Regardless of the reason behind it, my upbringing was crazy. I suffered from verbal, psychological, and emotional abuse. When I was seven years old, I had a vision, and I believe I saw God. That belief is as strong today 48 years later as it was when it happened. Perhaps erroneously, I began to think I was "blessed" and "favored" because of that vision, but nonetheless, I lived my life as I would have under any circumstances. I married my first husband at 23. I thought I might have problems conceiving, and he promised me we would adopt. When the time came to start our family, he was found to be totally sterile. He refused to adopt. He didn't "believe" in it. He wasn't going to "raise some bastard conceived in the back seat of a car." Because I was a GOOD Catholic girl, I stayed with this idiot for 12 years until he walked out on me because he thought I was unfaithful. He barely touched me all those years, and if I HAD been unfaithful, I would have had good reason. I must admit, my affections were directed toward someone else, yes. But, this someone else was gay. He actually made me feel as though I mattered where my husband did not. (Much too much information for the allowed space). We divorced in 1986, and I received an annulment in 1987 or 1988. I met and married my recent ex-husband in 1993. Unfortunately, he was an alcoholic, and not having any clue as to what that entails, I went into the marriage blind. The first few years were good, and then he began to change. He became intolerant and mean and nasty. I later realized he had begun to drink and take drugs at that point. We fought constantly. I threatened suicide multiple times because my life was so horrific. At one point, I actually threw a bottle of tranquilizers into my mouth and then spit them out because I really did not want to die. I just wanted the man I fell in love with back, not the beast he had become. In 2000, I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and one week later, I found marijuana in his car. I was in the middle of trying to get my Bachelor's degree. I had my surgery and treatment, I finished my degree and graduate with honors, and my husband left me in 2001. He came into the marriage with nothing. I had all the property and money in the relationship, and thanks to my state's laws, he walked out of the marriage with me giving him $30,000. He had $60,000 in credit card debt which had been incurred in $600-$800 increments of cash advances for drugs. We have been divorced now for 18+ months. I am alone. No children. No family (only child). Parents are gone. Blesssed? Favored? I don't think so. I've tried to be a good Catholic all these years. I know I went astray in places, and very far astray. My second husband was married (which I didn't find out until two weeks before our wedding), and I'd been living with him for two years. I loved him too much to leave him. I still love the man I married and despise the man he became. What am I supposed to think about God now? I still have faith, but I must admit some times it's very shaky. Do you have any comments? I can't seem to find anyone in a one-to-one basis who will either listen to me or respond to my questions.
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM Dear Jan: I am sorry to hear about your trials and tribulations, but all this has nothing to do with God. God did not perpetrate these things upon you. The reason these things happened is because of free will. Free will of your husbands to do what they did, and your free will to do what you did. In addition it sounds like there is at least some imprudent discernment on your part in marrying these guys perhaps facilitated by your childhood experiences. God loves us so much that He created us in His image. Part of "His image" is the ability to choose, to have the faculty of free will. God will NEVER intrude upon a person's free will; if He did then we would not be free but enslaved. We have free will in order to freely choose to love God. Love cannot be forced, it must be freely offered for it to be true love. This is why God gave us Free Will. Without Free Will we would be mere puppets or mere animals. The ability to choose, however, also means that we can choose to use this gift improperly or even abuse the gift. When people choose to sin, for example, they abuse the gift of Free Will. God cannot save us from all trials and tribulations for to do that He would have to suspend free will, which He will no do. Free Will is like being pregnant, either you are or you are not; one cannot be 90% pregnant and one cannot be 90% free to choose. What God does promise us is that when we have these trials and tribulations that He will remain with us and help us through the trials and tribulations. God promises that "all things will work together for good to those who love God and are called unto his purposes." Not all things will be good, but the good and the bad will work together for a good end IF we let God do that for us. As I like to put this: Life my throw lemons at us, our spouses may push lemons upon us, we may lay lemons upon ourselves, but if we give these lemons to God, He is faithful to make sweet lemonade. The choice is yours. You can either keep these things to yourself and taste the bitter drink that comes from it, or you can give up these things to God and drink sweet lemonade. There are lessons you can learn from these experiences, there is spiritual growth and maturity that can come out of these experiences, your faith can be strengthened because of these experiences, but none of this can happen unless you allow it, unless you give it to God. God loves you. He will not abandon you. But you must allow Him to help you. You are blessed and you are special, but not because of any vision. You are blessed because God loves you. You are special because as a Christian you are part of the royal family of God, one of the King's kids. You are blessed because God has given you, and all of us, a way out of our depression, a way out of despair, a way to make lemonade out of the lemons of our trials and tribulations. Look to Jesus, Jan. Remember St. Peter walking on the water? As long as Peter kept his eyes on Jesus, he was able to walk on the water. When Peter took his eyes off Jesus and he noticed the storm all around him, he began to sink. We need to keep our eyes on Jesus and we can walk on the water of life through even the most violent of storms. I am recommending you to a friend of mine, Deacon Frank, with At the Water' Edge Healing Ministry. The ministry of healing that Deacon Frank does has been very helpful is healing spiritual wounds. I also recommend the great book by Father Benedict Groeschel entitled, Arise from Darkness: When Life Doesn't Make Sense We will be in prayer for you, but do not lose heart; God is with you and loves you. Seek Him. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

What am I supposed to think?

Jan

Monday, September 6, 2004

Question:

Brother Ignatius:

I doubt you will have any answers for me, but I would appreciate your input, regardless.

My mother was in and out of mental institutions since I was four years old. She had undiagnosed lupus which manifested itself as a mental disease for 30-plus years before diagnosis. Regardless of the reason behind it, my upbringing was crazy. I suffered from verbal, psychological, and emotional abuse.

When I was seven years old, I had a vision, and I believe I saw God. That belief is as strong today 48 years later as it was when it happened.

Perhaps erroneously, I began to think I was "blessed" and "favored" because of that vision, but nonetheless, I lived my life as I would have under any circumstances.

I married my first husband at 23. I thought I might have problems conceiving, and he promised me we would adopt. When the time came to start our family, he was found to be totally sterile. He refused to adopt. He didn't "believe" in it. He wasn't going to "raise some bastard conceived in the back seat of a car."

Because I was a GOOD Catholic girl, I stayed with this idiot for 12 years until he walked out on me because he thought I was unfaithful. He barely touched me all those years, and if I HAD been unfaithful, I would have had good reason. I must admit, my affections were directed toward someone else, yes. But, this someone else was gay. He actually made me feel as though I mattered where my husband did not. (Much too much information for the allowed space).

We divorced in 1986, and I received an annulment in 1987 or 1988.

I met and married my recent ex-husband in 1993. Unfortunately, he was an alcoholic, and not having any clue as to what that entails, I went into the marriage blind. The first few years were good, and then he began to change. He became intolerant and mean and nasty. I later realized he had begun to drink and take drugs at that point.

We fought constantly. I threatened suicide multiple times because my life was so horrific. At one point, I actually threw a bottle of tranquilizers into my mouth and then spit them out because I really did not want to die. I just wanted the man I fell in love with back, not the beast he had become.

In 2000, I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and one week later, I found marijuana in his car. I was in the middle of trying to get my Bachelor's degree. I had my surgery and treatment, I finished my degree and graduate with honors, and my husband left me in 2001.

He came into the marriage with nothing. I had all the property and money in the relationship, and thanks to my state's laws, he walked out of the marriage with me giving him $30,000. He had $60,000 in credit card debt which had been incurred in $600-$800 increments of cash advances for drugs.

We have been divorced now for 18+ months. I am alone. No children. No family (only child). Parents are gone.

Blesssed? Favored? I don't think so.

I've tried to be a good Catholic all these years. I know I went astray in places, and very far astray. My second husband was married (which I didn't find out until two weeks before our wedding), and I'd been living with him for two years. I loved him too much to leave him. I still love the man I married and despise the man he became.

What am I supposed to think about God now? I still have faith, but I must admit some times it's very shaky.

Do you have any comments? I can't seem to find anyone in a one-to-one basis who will either listen to me or respond to my questions.

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM

Dear Jan:

I am sorry to hear about your trials and tribulations, but all this has nothing to do with God. God did not perpetrate these things upon you.

The reason these things happened is because of free will. Free will of your husbands to do what they did, and your free will to do what you did. In addition it sounds like there is at least some imprudent discernment on your part in marrying these guys perhaps facilitated by your childhood experiences.

God loves us so much that He created us in His image. Part of "His image" is the ability to choose, to have the faculty of free will. God will NEVER intrude upon a person's free will; if He did then we would not be free but enslaved.

We have free will in order to freely choose to love God. Love cannot be forced, it must be freely offered for it to be true love. This is why God gave us Free Will. Without Free Will we would be mere puppets or mere animals.

The ability to choose, however, also means that we can choose to use this gift improperly or even abuse the gift. When people choose to sin, for example, they abuse the gift of Free Will.

God cannot save us from all trials and tribulations for to do that He would have to suspend free will, which He will no do. Free Will is like being pregnant, either you are or you are not; one cannot be 90% pregnant and one cannot be 90% free to choose.

What God does promise us is that when we have these trials and tribulations that He will remain with us and help us through the trials and tribulations.

God promises that "all things will work together for good to those who love God and are called unto his purposes."

Not all things will be good, but the good and the bad will work together for a good end IF we let God do that for us.

As I like to put this: Life my throw lemons at us, our spouses may push lemons upon us, we may lay lemons upon ourselves, but if we give these lemons to God, He is faithful to make sweet lemonade.

The choice is yours. You can either keep these things to yourself and taste the bitter drink that comes from it, or you can give up these things to God and drink sweet lemonade.

There are lessons you can learn from these experiences, there is spiritual growth and maturity that can come out of these experiences, your faith can be strengthened because of these experiences, but none of this can happen unless you allow it, unless you give it to God.

God loves you. He will not abandon you. But you must allow Him to help you.

You are blessed and you are special, but not because of any vision. You are blessed because God loves you. You are special because as a Christian you are part of the royal family of God, one of the King's kids.

You are blessed because God has given you, and all of us, a way out of our depression, a way out of despair, a way to make lemonade out of the lemons of our trials and tribulations.

Look to Jesus, Jan. Remember St. Peter walking on the water?

As long as Peter kept his eyes on Jesus, he was able to walk on the water. When Peter took his eyes off Jesus and he noticed the storm all around him, he began to sink.

We need to keep our eyes on Jesus and we can walk on the water of life through even the most violent of storms.

I am recommending you to a friend of mine, Deacon Frank, with At the Water' Edge Healing Ministry.

The ministry of healing that Deacon Frank does has been very helpful is healing spiritual wounds.

I also recommend the great book by Father Benedict Groeschel entitled, Arise from Darkness: When Life Doesn't Make Sense

We will be in prayer for you, but do not lose heart; God is with you and loves you. Seek Him.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below:
Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum.
Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum
Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum
Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum
Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum