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WARNING!! This question and answer is of a mature nature. Parental discretion is advised.

Dear Bill:

There are differing opinions on this question by various theologians, but the Church, to my knowledge teaches specifically only that:

2366 Fecundity is a gift, an end of marriage, for conjugal love naturally tends to be fruitful. A child does not come from outside as something added on to the mutual love of the spouses, but springs from the very heart of that mutual giving, as its fruit and fulfillment. So the Church, which is "on the side of life," teaches that "it is necessary that each and every marriage act remain ordered per se to the procreation of human life." "This particular doctrine, expounded on numerous occasions by the Magisterium, is based on the inseparable connection, established by God, which man on his own initiative may not break, between the unitive significance and the procreative significance which are both inherent to the marriage act."

The "marriage act" here is speaking of intercourse. Thus, sexual play that is not intercourse, and for which the man does not ejaculate, would appear to be permissible as long as the non-coital sexual play is not a replacement for intercourse with the intent of improperly avoiding pregnancy, or to avoid the normal bonding of the husband and wife.

If sex is for sex sake, even within marriage, then we have a problem. The marital embrace is a mutual self-giving. Sex merely for pleasure, for self-gratification, without that mutual self-giving of the spouses to each other violates the chastity proper to marriage.

While the wife may climax outside of intercourse, even in the scenario you ask about, the primary danger of sex play that does not end in intercourse is that the man may also climax. Thus, while it may be permitted to have sex play that does not end in intercourse in the case you state, it may not be prudent. St. Paul teaches that even it something is allowable, it is not always prudent or beneficial. That prudence must be decided by you and your wife making sure your conscience is clear and the intent is appropriate.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary