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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
marital relations when medically restricted?	Shelley	Saturday, February 14, 2009
Question: I've just had my 6th cerclage surgery (where they stitch up your cervix so the unborn baby does not fall out). I have to have this done each time I am pregnant. Doctors vary on what answer to give regarding marital sex after the surgery is done. Some have said it is okay for us to have intercourse, but my current OB said "nothing in the vagina" so my husband and I are torn on what to do for sexual relations. Before this current pregnancy we practiced NFP, though obviously I was not that good at it because I gave into my desires and ended up pregnant again. I am considered high risk and have to have c-sections when I give birth so pregnancy was not something we were trying for again (we already have four living children, 5 babies that did not make it: miscarriage, stillbirth). Nonetheless, we are welcoming the newest pregnancy however I hate to think we have to abstain for six months, plus months during my recovery (which is long given each successful c-section has been more difficult). My husband is not Catholic, so I feel I put a lot of pressure on him to abstain that long. If we cuddle it gets close to having sex so that is also hard to do, stop in the middle and I wonder if fulfilling sexual desires (masterbation) would be permissible when medically you are unable to "be together"? I am assuming not but I will admit, during our times of NFP abstinence, it was very lonely for both of us. I felt our marriage is so much stronger, closer when we are able to have marital relations so I worry about having to abstain for such a long time again. We've done it in the past with different pregnancies but I think this time around it is more difficult for both of us due to the stress involved in this pregnancy and our current life situations. So what can married couples do morally when they cannot be physically together in full intercourse? Is there nothing sexual we can do?
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM Dear Shelley: I am glad you care about your faith enough to ask the question. The answer is no, masturbation is a moral evil and cannot be justified in any situation. NFP, by the way, should be bringing you and your husband together, closer, and enhancing the bond between you. There should be no loneliness, rather the opposite should be the case. I suspect that if you and he are feeling lonely when practicing NFP then you may be using it improperly, that is, using it in a contraceptive mentality instead of what it is suppose to be used for. You also may misunderstand the whole philosophy of NFP. I would advice asking the Couple-to-Couple League. As human beings created in the image of God we need to exercise discipline over our passions. Any two dogs can copulate and will do so whenever they "feel" like it. We are not dogs. We are human beings who can control our passions -- especially if we surrender our passions to God. Do not let your passions master you. Do not be a slave to those passions. We are to have mastery over our passions. St. Paul teaches this in the Bible, for example: 1 Thess 4:3-5 For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God. One of the Fruits of the Spirit is self-control (Gal 5:23). St. Paul also predicts a time that people will be without self-control (2 Tim 3:1-3ff), Indeed we live in a time that is "incontinent", that is without self-control. Spiritual maturity brings us to self-discipline, which actually brings us freedom. You will find that with a mature and disciplined approach to the marital embrace according to the will of God will bring you and your husband a much more intimate and profound experience and bonding with each other. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

marital relations when medically restricted?

Shelley

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Question:

I've just had my 6th cerclage surgery (where they stitch up your cervix so the unborn baby does not fall out). I have to have this done each time I am pregnant. Doctors vary on what answer to give regarding marital sex after the surgery is done. Some have said it is okay for us to have intercourse, but my current OB said "nothing in the vagina" so my husband and I are torn on what to do for sexual relations. Before this current pregnancy we practiced NFP, though obviously I was not that good at it because I gave into my desires and ended up pregnant again. I am considered high risk and have to have c-sections when I give birth so pregnancy was not something we were trying for again (we already have four living children, 5 babies that did not make it: miscarriage, stillbirth).

Nonetheless, we are welcoming the newest pregnancy however I hate to think we have to abstain for six months, plus months during my recovery (which is long given each successful c-section has been more difficult).

My husband is not Catholic, so I feel I put a lot of pressure on him to abstain that long. If we cuddle it gets close to having sex so that is also hard to do, stop in the middle and I wonder if fulfilling sexual desires (masterbation) would be permissible when medically you are unable to "be together"?

I am assuming not but I will admit, during our times of NFP abstinence, it was very lonely for both of us. I felt our marriage is so much stronger, closer when we are able to have marital relations so I worry about having to abstain for such a long time again. We've done it in the past with different pregnancies but I think this time around it is more difficult for both of us due to the stress involved in this pregnancy and our current life situations.

So what can married couples do morally when they cannot be physically together in full intercourse? Is there nothing sexual we can do?

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM

Dear Shelley:

I am glad you care about your faith enough to ask the question. The answer is no, masturbation is a moral evil and cannot be justified in any situation.

NFP, by the way, should be bringing you and your husband together, closer, and enhancing the bond between you. There should be no loneliness, rather the opposite should be the case. I suspect that if you and he are feeling lonely when practicing NFP then you may be using it improperly, that is, using it in a contraceptive mentality instead of what it is suppose to be used for. You also may misunderstand the whole philosophy of NFP. I would advice asking the Couple-to-Couple League.

As human beings created in the image of God we need to exercise discipline over our passions. Any two dogs can copulate and will do so whenever they "feel" like it. We are not dogs. We are human beings who can control our passions -- especially if we surrender our passions to God.

Do not let your passions master you. Do not be a slave to those passions. We are to have mastery over our passions. St. Paul teaches this in the Bible, for example:

1 Thess 4:3-5 For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God.

One of the Fruits of the Spirit is self-control (Gal 5:23). St. Paul also predicts a time that people will be without self-control (2 Tim 3:1-3ff), Indeed we live in a time that is "incontinent", that is without self-control. Spiritual maturity brings us to self-discipline, which actually brings us freedom.

You will find that with a mature and disciplined approach to the marital embrace according to the will of God will bring you and your husband a much more intimate and profound experience and bonding with each other.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below:
Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum.
Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum
Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum
Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum
Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum