Dear Katie:

Revenge never salves our conscience or our psychological health. No matter what the issue, what the hurt, what the circumstance revenge never satisfies. This is true even in the extreme examples of a loved one being murdered and the murderer being executed. The execution does not satisfy the survivors. I remember seeing two families who witnessed the execution of a man who killed their children. One family forgave the murderer, the other family did not. The family who forgave the man had a look of peace on their faces and did not desire to see the man executed. The other family who wanted the execution came away with hardness and bitterness on their faces. The execution gave them no solace.

With that said, if someone does something to us to which we can recover damages through a law suit, we certainly have the right to do that. The question is should we do it? St. Paul teaches us that all things are allowable but not all things are beneficial or prudent. Although we may have the right to sue, and have the ability to sue, it does not mean we should. It all depends on our motivations and the circumstances.

To sue someone out of revenge is wrong, regardless of having the right to sue. The motivation to sue must be born out of justice (to bring the person to accountability) and/or necessity (to recover genuine damages). There are other considerations.

There is little point to sue someone if they do not have the assets to pay the judgment. We must also consider the stress, strain, and expense of filing a law suit. Some suits can last years and be very costly. Many people who have sued major companies for millions of dollars and have won after many years of litigation have remarked that if they had it to do over again they would not have sued. The stress of it is too much for many people.

I used to be the Director of the Center for Social Justice. I have helped people with their complaints against businesses, landlords, corporations, and government. I have seen first-hand the terrible cost of stress on people's lives who pursue law suits. One must carefully consider the efficacy of filing a law suit in terms of any upfront money and personal stress and strain. Is it worth it if the litigation leads to losing one's peace in Christ? Sometimes one does need to sue. Sometimes it may be better to let go and get on with one's life.

Feeling better, however, comes from putting the past behind you, forgiving the person who hurt you, and getting on with your life.

Regardless of what one does in terms of law suits, the only way to feel better is to let go and let God, to forgive the person. If you do not forgive then you maintain a bondage with that person and continue to be a victim. Let go. The person will be held accountable before God; he is not off the hook. Forgiveness is letting yourself off the hook.

In the spiritual counseling I do there is a session on forgiveness. I would recommend you read the packet we give to our clients on this subject entitled, Dealing with Bitterness and Unforgiveness.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary