Dear Sara:

Thank you for your kind words. I praise God this site has been helpful to you.

Forgiveness is not dependent upon what the other person does or does not do. Even if the other person refuses to believe they did anything wrong, it doesn't matter.

Forgiveness is an decision of will on your part in obedience to Christ. But, most people do not fully understand the nature of forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean that you must allow the abuse to continue. It does not mean that you must like the person you forgive. It does not mean you have to ever talk to the person again. It does not mean that you forget.

Forgiveness is not about letting the abusive person off the hook. They will be accountable for their actions before God.

Forgiveness is about letting yourself off the hook of the bondage that unforgiveness causes. Forgiveness is about "letting go, and letting God."

In a situation where the abuse is continuing you have to take steps to stop it. Ultimately, that could mean severing a relationship even with a relative.

Before doing that, to take your case specifically, I think you need to express your concerns to your mother. Tell her that you appreciate her interest in your children, but that you have disagreements with her on how to raise them and that you must do what you think is best, Thus, you would appreciate if she refrain from any more child-rearing advice.

If she will not respect that, then you have to get more insistent, such as, "Mother, I have explained to you that we disagree on child-raising and that I will do what I think is best. I asked you to refrain from any more advice. I insist that you respect my wishes."

If she argues against this, or continues to disrespect your wishes then you will have to tell her not to call you again.

I know that sounds harsh, but what can you do when a person refuses to respect you? You have a duty to your children to not lose your peace in Christ. You have a duty to avoid the near occasion of sin. Those duties are more important than a relationship with an abusive mother.

If the situation leads to this last resort of cutting off communication with her and you do not do it, then you only have yourself to blame.

You are in the drivers seat here. It is a decision you must make:

1) accept the fact that she gives advice that you do not want and let it flow over your back (in otherwords, ignore it). This only works if it does not stir up resentments and bitterness.

2) tell her to stop, to respect your wishes, or, if needed as a last resort, to not call back again.

The decision is yours.

As for the nature of forgiveness we have a document that we give to our counseling clients that gives some details on this. That document may help you. Find it here.

We will be praying for you.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary