Dear Maria:

It appears you have misread my words somewhere. I have never made such a statement. A married couple who is validly married does not commit adultery with each other. Adultery is the sin of a married person having sex with someone they are not married to. By extension and principle the commandment prohibiting adultery also prohibits fornication, which is sex between two unmarried persons.

What I have said is that to explain the fact that if a person is not validly marriaed then they are sinning. If a person was married before and marries a second time without first recieving an annulment then the second marriage is adultery since the person is already married in the eyes of God. If such a person petitions for an annulment and recieves it then they can validly marry again in good standing, no problem. 

What I have said about the valid married life is that there is a kind of chastity between married couples that is more then mere fidelity to each other. Proper chastity in the marriage bed means that sex between husband and wife is to be a mutual self-giving to each other in love. A husband forcing his wife to have sex fails this requirement. A wife using sex as a manipulative tool fails this requirement.

Marital sex is to be a mutual self-giving to each other in love. That which violates this mutual self-giving violates the marriage bed.

Proper marital sex is never "down and dirty". That is a distorted and perverted image that is promoted from the worldview of pornography and of sexual permissiveness. Actually the origins of sex being dirty is sourced in heresies centuries ago in which groups believed that the body was evil. The body is not evil. God made our bodies and all that God made is good (Gen 1:31).

Marital sex is beautiful and itself is a holy act--even when it is a "quickie". This is true regardless of whether or not people understand the true nature and theology of marital sexuality. To think that marital sexuality is not something holy and beautiful is an ignorance of God and his plan for marriage and sex.

As for clergy and religious not having a clue about marriage and sex because of their celibacy, my dear, one does not have to sit on a thumbtack to know that it will hurt. The facts about proper sexuality are taught by God and I think that God knows what He is talking about since He invented sex. Anyone, even a celibate and chaste person, can know the teaching of God and preach it.

Nevertheless, there are many priests and religious who have been married before becoming priests or religious. I was married for seven years before converting to the Catholic Church and have four children (one dead) and seven grandchildren (two dead).

In addition, in the Eastern Catholic Churches, there are many married priests. The Eastern Catholic Churches allow married priests. There are even a few married priests in the Latin Rite (though that is an exception not the rule).

My best advice is to educate yourself on the issues, learn what God has to say about marriage and sex. You are missing out on a lot if you think sex is just "down and dirty". The full passionate climatic experience of sex is not fully realized unless one understands the holiness of marital sex.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary