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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
***** Question on marital sex that has never been asked here WARNING!! This question and answer is of a mature nature. Parental discretion is advised.	Mariam	Saturday, September 6, 2008
Question: My husband of 20yrs is a non-practicing Protestant. In fact he is Christian by baptism only, not by faith. As he dosn't even believe that Jesus is God! We were married civily 20 yrs ago when I was a fallen away Catholic, but had a strong conversion while pregnant with our first child and we had our marriage sanctified with the sacrament of marriage 16yrs ago. He did this for me but has told me he will NEVER convert to Catholicism. I am obedient to all the Church's teachings because I find them perfectly true and a cause of great joy and peace. They are a very sweet burden! When it comes to the Church's teachings on sexual union , my husband scoffs. I refuse to go on birth control and I remain open to life, but he doesn't want another child (we are both 48yrs old). So whenever we have sex, he commits the sin of Onan. Most of the time he wants oral sex exclusively. If he doesn't have this needed release, he becomes very sullen and nasty. I can see that he is suffering I relucatantly go along to make him happy. This is a great suffering to me, but (I know it sounds crazy) I offer it up to God for his salvation. Here I am doing what I feel is sinful and a cause of great spiritual suffering while praying during the whole act. When I confessed this to a very trustworthy priest, I was told that as long as I remain open to life and desireing of a holy outcome to the act I am not committing any sin. I still feel confused and distressed. I have attempted many times to communicate to my husband my unhappiness with this situation, but we do not speak the same language on the matter. By my actions: 1 Am I not contributing to his sinful acts? Encouraging him to sin? 2 Is my intention of fullfilling my marital obligations a pure one, when I know all along that this act will never end in a holy manner? 3 What should I do about this? Should I go to confession to another priest? I am in a state of confusion! Please help me.
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM *** WARNING!! This question and answer is of a mature nature. Parental discretion is advised. Dear Mariam: Sorry for the long delay in answering. I am sorry to hear about this situation. I hope that while your husband has no interest in converting to the Church that he at least will allow your marriage to be blessed (regularized) in the Church. He does not have to join to do that; but this is needed for you to fully enjoy the Sacraments. As for the specific question, as long as you are open to life yourself, you are not responsible for your husband's selfishness. Onanism is his choice, not yours. You have let him know your feelings about this. But, you cannot directly participate in sin. While oral sex is permissible as foreplay, ejaculation outside of the vagina is sin. If you choose to participate in oral sex with the intention of his completion then I believe you do commit a sin. Any foreplay of any nature needs to be short of his ejaculation outside of the vagina. He may not like that but your first responsibility is to God and for your own soul. As for how to talk to him about this, explain to him that this is about your faith and what you believe God requires of you. Say that to him that you know that he may not understand this or agree with it, but that is how you feel and ask him to respect your feelings on this matter. Pray for him. We will certainly be in prayer for him. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions** go to our Church History Q&A Forum

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

*****
Question on marital sex that has never been asked here
WARNING!! This question and answer is of a mature nature. Parental discretion is advised.

Mariam

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Question:

My husband of 20yrs is a non-practicing Protestant. In fact he is Christian by baptism only, not by faith. As he dosn't even believe that Jesus is God!

We were married civily 20 yrs ago when I was a fallen away Catholic, but had a strong conversion while pregnant with our first child and we had our marriage sanctified with the sacrament of marriage 16yrs ago. He did this for me but has told me he will NEVER convert to Catholicism.

I am obedient to all the Church's teachings because I find them perfectly true and a cause of great joy and peace. They are a very sweet burden! When it comes to the Church's teachings on sexual union , my husband scoffs. I refuse to go on birth control and I remain open to life, but he doesn't want another child (we are both 48yrs old). So whenever we have sex, he commits the sin of Onan. Most of the time he wants oral sex exclusively. If he doesn't have this needed release, he becomes very sullen and nasty. I can see that he is suffering I relucatantly go along to make him happy.

This is a great suffering to me, but (I know it sounds crazy) I offer it up to God for his salvation. Here I am doing what I feel is sinful and a cause of great spiritual suffering while praying during the whole act.

When I confessed this to a very trustworthy priest, I was told that as long as I remain open to life and desireing of a holy outcome to the act I am not committing any sin.

I still feel confused and distressed.

I have attempted many times to communicate to my husband my unhappiness with this situation, but we do not speak the same language on the matter.

By my actions:

1 Am I not contributing to his sinful acts? Encouraging him to sin?
2 Is my intention of fullfilling my marital obligations a pure one, when I know all along that this act will never end in a holy manner?
3 What should I do about this? Should I go to confession to another priest?

I am in a state of confusion! Please help me.

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM

*****
WARNING!! This question and answer is of a mature nature. Parental discretion is advised.

Dear Mariam:

Sorry for the long delay in answering.

I am sorry to hear about this situation. I hope that while your husband has no interest in converting to the Church that he at least will allow your marriage to be blessed (regularized) in the Church. He does not have to join to do that; but this is needed for you to fully enjoy the Sacraments.

As for the specific question, as long as you are open to life yourself, you are not responsible for your husband's selfishness. Onanism is his choice, not yours. You have let him know your feelings about this.

But, you cannot directly participate in sin. While oral sex is permissible as foreplay, ejaculation outside of the vagina is sin. If you choose to participate in oral sex with the intention of his completion then I believe you do commit a sin.

Any foreplay of any nature needs to be short of his ejaculation outside of the vagina. He may not like that but your first responsibility is to God and for your own soul.

As for how to talk to him about this, explain to him that this is about your faith and what you believe God requires of you. Say that to him that you know that he may not understand this or agree with it, but that is how you feel and ask him to respect your feelings on this matter.

Pray for him. We will certainly be in prayer for him.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below:
Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum.
Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum
Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum
Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum
Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum