Dear Jen:

Sorry for the delay in responding.

I praise God that you were spared in that blizzard. I have had a similar experience.

As for losing your faith, the core of what seems to be happening is the issue of suffering.

It is not God's particular will for anyone to suffer. Suffering does not come from God, it comes from a fallen world that resulted from the free will decision of Adam and Eve, or from the free will decisions we make ourselves.

We suffer from our own bad decisions, and we suffer from the consequences of other people's bad decisionsand we suffer from the nature of a fallen world.

A friend of mine was killed two weeks before his wedding by a seventeen year old drunk driver. My friend suffered death, his family and friends suffered from the loss. That suffering was a result of the decisions made by that drunk driver.

People suffer from hunger in this world, for example, because people make decisions that cause their hunger. There is more than enough food for everyone on this planet. It is the free will decisions of greedy people who prevent that food from reaching the people in need.

God does not force people to do the right thing. He gives us the ability to choose. He does this because He loves us so much. If we were not given free will by God then we would be mere animals. Love cannot be forced. Love must be chosen. God created us to love Him and each other. This is a great privilege as it makes us part of Him (in His image). This is something animals do not have.

God wants us to love Him because we choose to love Him as there can be no other way to love. Love cannot be forced.

With that ability to choose, however, is also the ability to choose wrongly. God loves us so much that He is willing to take the chance that we will reject Him in order to give us the ability to love Him.

When we do choose wrongly there are negative consequences. It is not God's desire for us to suffer those consequences, but He has to allow them because He has to allow Free Will in order for us to be able to love.

God does not leave us in our suffering, however. God will bring goodness out of suffering IF WE LET HIM. The suffering may not go away, but He will bring something good out of it. Romans 8:28 states: "And we know that to them that love God all things work together unto good: to such as, according to his purpose, are called to be saints."

This is God's promise and God does not lie. Thus, we KNOW this to be true because God is not a liar. To doubt this promise is to call God a liar.

But, again, God does not force Himself upon us. If we choose to wallow in our troubles instead of trusting Him and allowing Him to "make lemonade out of the lemons in our life" then we have only ourselves to blame.

Suffering happens. It is a part of life. God permits it because He permits free will and he permits free will because He loves us and wants to give us the opportunity to love Him.

But, God uses suffering to bring goodness, to bring glory to Him.

I will give you a personal example. I am in pain and suffering every single day from permanent disabilities. I thank God for my pain and suffering because it was only when I became disabled that I was able to to get close to Him. And, I prefer to remain disabled and not be healed if it means that this is the only way to stay close to Him. The great tragedy would be to be healed and then in my health take God for granted and lose my intimacy with Him. If it takes my illness to stay close to Him, then keep me disabled Lord.

Suffering is a part of life but if we trust in God and mortify our Pride we can experience great joy in the midst of that suffering.

The Emperor Nero got lividly angry when he inspected the arena after Christians were killed by the lions. He went from corpse to corpse and found the faces of these Christians all frozen in a smile. The Christians suffered greatly, but they were smiling. Why? Because God was with them. And God is with you.

Romans 8:37-39 says it well:

This is a great promise of God. Since God is not a liar we know this promise is true and that God keeps His promises. NOTHING can separate us from His love.

We may not feel His love sometimes but that is because we are ignoring it. God's love is still there and will always be there. If we wallow in self-pity and pride we cannot experience His love, but His love is still there.

God is there to help you Jen, but you are preventing that from happening because of your own pride. Things haven't gone the way you wanted them to go and so you now doubt God. Stop the pity-party and allow God to make lemonade of the lemons that are in your life.

It is not God's fault that bad things happen. We make our own beds in life, or, we suffer from other people's sins, none of that is God's fault. And God cannot prevent that unless He removes from us the gift of Free Will. You would not want that.

But, God will bring goodness out of suffering. Just let Him.

He understands your feelings. He is there for you whether you feel it or not. Our faith is about knowing and believing, not feeling. Our feelings can betray us. Sometimes we must just rely on what we KNOW to be true, and not what our feelings tell us. We know that God loves us. He says so and God is not a liar. We know that God is with us because He says so and God is not a liar. 

Spend some time sitting in front of the Tabernacle of our Lord. Talk to Him. Tell Him how you feel. He understands. Then for at least 15-20 minutes just sit there quietly and let the rays of the Son coming from the Tabernacle bask upon you. Sit there quietly and let God minister to you.

Do this at least one hour per week; more often if you can. It may take several weeks for you to notice any difference so do not give up. Do this adoration of the Blessed Sacrament REGARDLESS of how you feel. Keep it up, week after week, and eventually you will find a difference in your life.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary