| Question Title | Posted By | Question Date |
|---|---|---|
| Re: Attracted to a priest | Diane | Sunday, June 29, 2008 |
Question: Bro Ignatius: My comments on this poor girl's situation and the priest she is attracted to. It does seem as if you are blaming her for feeling attracted to this priest. Okay, so we are not to think sexual fantasies aout anyone, especially a priest. With that I agree, but often easier said than done. We all have attractions and feelings, and it is often hard to avoid them. The human heart is not always entirely under our control, we can only pray for strength to avoid all occasion of sin and for freedom from thoughts that are not pleasing to God and offensive to Him. But what about her comments that she feels this priest is trying to seduce her? We do not know if this is really true or perhaps her own sensitivities or over-active imagination based on her previous experiences, but let's just give her the benefit of the doubt about this for a moment. It's not always a women's fault completely; whether they know it or not...priests can give off inappropriate signals. I have personally witnessed clergy not exactly acting like priests outside of celbrating mass. They tend to be witty and charming. I think this is wrong on their part to act in such a way, it is not "priestlike". I feel a lot of this is their desire to be well-loved and popular with the people they serve. However, this can be a double-edged sword. They certainly need to be kind and compassionate, but should not be overly charismatic in a way that can attract women. It is far to easy for some women, particlarly lonely ones, to fall for Mr. Charming who happens to wear a Roman Collar. Then we are the ones accused of interfering with their soul if we find ourselves attracted to their dynamic personalities. I personally had to go through such an experience myself, and lived with great guilt, pain and confusion regarding a priest that was way too "friendly" with me. (I'm talking about joking around all the time, acting like a "buddy" to me with a tendency to touch not only me but other females in the parish too much (though not overly inappropriate), etc. He then was transferred and went his merry way to serve in another parish, and I still felt an attachment. It's awful to deal with and I am tired of women labeled as the evil "succubus" always trying to lure a priest away from his vocation. Let priests be priests and may they be an example of Christ to all...they should ACT like a priest at ALL times. They should be kind and cordial, yet keep their distance. They should strive to always stay away from overt friendliness with the opposite sex and for heaven's sake don't wear heavy after-shave lotion and embrace them all the time, coupled with excessive winking. It would be great if they all just looked like Barry Fitzgerald, who portrayed a kindly old priest in the movie "Going My Way" or were bald, overweight and boring...but alas our Lord calls even handsome men to the priesthood. |
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| Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM
Dear Diane: I am sorry, but it it simply not true that I am blaming her. It is not about blame, it is about protecting one's own soul and the soul of others. If one has an attraction to anyone that is improper then they need to remove themselves from the near occasion of sin. To remain in the situation places oneself in spiritual danger and also places the other person in possible spiritual danger. Who is to blame, if anyone is to blame, is beside the point. It is a matter of protecting one's soul, not assigning blame. This is not about what is fair (is it fair that I have to go to another parish). This is about protection of the soul which is more important than blame or fairness. If this priest is trying to seduce her, then it is even more important to remove herself from the situation (and perhaps tell the bishop). This is called prudence. This is also not about how hard it is to avoid the fantasies. This is about avoiding the near occasion of sin and doing what must be done to avoid those fantasies. If that means finding another parish, then so be it. As for the behavior of priests and religious I agree there needs to be some distance and boundaries. That is also true for the laity, for everyone. One of the reasons there is so much adultery and fornication in this society is the imprudence to recognize and adhere to proper boundaries. All of us have a responsibility for this. If we find our "heart" uncontrollably attracted to people we have no right to be attracted to, then prudence says we remove ourselves from their presence so that we avoid the near occasion of sin and avoid causing the other person an occasion of sin even if the other person is to "blame" for being improperly friendly. This advice and prudence applies to men and women the same. I have had this happen to me too on a number of ocassions over the years. My response was to distance myself from that person, or in some cases, even terminate a friendship or in other cases resign from the club or organization. No woman is worth risking my soul, and no man is worth risking a woman's soul. God Bless,
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