Dear Celine:

Sorry for the delay in responding.

I am sorry to hear about your experiences. We will certainly pray for you. You have a tough lot in life, but with God's help it is possible to survive it and continue to live in God's grace.

Suicide is a grave sin. We have an obligation to God and to ourselves to live.  The Catechism of the Catholic Church says:

2280 Everyone is responsible for his life before God who has given it to him. It is God who remains the sovereign Master of life. We are obliged to accept life gratefully and preserve it for his honor and the salvation of our souls. We are stewards, not owners, of the life God has entrusted to us. It is not ours to dispose of.

2281 Suicide contradicts the natural inclination of the human being to preserve and perpetuate his life. It is gravely contrary to the just love of self. It likewise offends love of neighbor because it unjustly breaks the ties of solidarity with family, nation, and other human societies to which we continue to have obligations. Suicide is contrary to love for the living God.

Now I know this is no consolation to you, but it directly answers the question. I know you are probably feeling sacred, and alone, and in constant fear. You likely feel that there is no way out except to die. But, Celine, suicide is not a way out of pain and suffering. To kill oneself is painful, and to kill oneself could risk the soul. You do not want to do that.

God loves you so much, Celine. He cares for you. God will help you through these trials and can lead you to come out at the other end a better person.

Some of the saints were raped and molested. They kept their eyes on Jesus and allowed Him to bring goodness out of the evil. This was hard for them, but they did it and as a result they became Saints and helped many other people. Maybe something like that is what God has planned for you.

Life is a tapestry. Those who have not experience hardship, trials, tribulations and such have a tapestry filled with pastel colors. But, those who have undergone trials and horror have a more beautiful tapestry filled with colors of a deeper hue. Because of your terrible experiences, Celine, God is making you a beautiful tapestry that is your life - if you let him.

Trust in God, Celine. God keeps his promises and He promises that "all things will work together for good to those who love Him". That means that He will make lemonade out of the lemons in our life.

Celine, your abusers have forced lemons in your life. Allow God to make sweet lemonade from them.

All that is in time, but what about right now? You need help right now.

I would encourage you to report any sexual abuse to the police. I know that is scary, but I am concerned for your safety. You can also call a Telephone Hotline for abused kids. Talk to them about what is going on and they can advise you and also comfort you and support you. It is anonymous and is available 24 hours a day. Here are two Abuse Hotlines:

ChildHelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-422-4453

National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-252-2873

Also, anytime you are having thoughts about suicide, please contact one of the numbers below. The counselors there will listen to you and help you through these feelings. These numbers can also be used to talk about anything where you need to talk to someone.

Boys Town Suicide and Crisis Line
1-800-448-3000
(This number is for both boys and girls)

National Youth Crisis Hotline
1-800-442-4673

Also, if you feel "itchy" then please go to a doctor. There may be a free clinic in your town or a Women's Clinic. If necessary go to an Emergency Room. This is important Celine because this "itchiness" may indicate a medical problem or even a sexually transmitted disease. Please have that checked out.

We will be in prayer for you Celine. God loves you and does not want you to die. Trust Him. Also take steps to get help. Do not be afraid. Your Guardian Angel is with you to help you.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary