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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
Praying for deceased family members	Jamie	Thursday, August 19, 2004
Question: Recently at a family get together, my husband's cousin (who is Presbyterian) spoke of their recently deceased aunt as "being in heaven". I continue to pray for their aunt on a daily basis (as I do all of my deceased loved ones). I don't want to dispute the fact that she was a very "Christian woman", but only God knows the fate of her soul which is why I continue to pray for her. Should I have taken this as an opportunity to educate my in-laws (who are not receptive to Catholics anyway) or should I have left it alone? I didn't speak up because I know they take comfort in believing that when a loved one dies, they just immediately go to Heaven. I don't want to betray my faith but I felt like this was not an appropriate time or place for a discussion about Purgatory and prayers for the dead. Are we sinning if we let an opportunity to "enlighten" slip away?
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM+ Dear Jamie: There is a time and place for everything under the sun the Bible tells us. The right thing at the wrong time can cause great problems. Beside, the technical theological error of your in-laws is not their fault; they cannot be expected to have a Catholic understanding about Purgatory and praying for the dead. In any event, since the death of the loved-one is recent, they would still be in the grieving process. It would have been patently inappropriate for you to have tried to "enlighten" them at this time. If you had spoken out it would most likely have caused a major argument and caused an unnecessary rift in the family especially since they are not open to Catholicism. The inappropriateness of your confrontation of them on this would be interpreted <u>by them</u> most likely as not only as another Catholic man-made doctrine, but an example of how terrible the Church is to have this shoved down their throat in the midst of their grief. You did the right thing in not speaking out in the context that you described. You need to wait for a time that is neutral and not on the heals of the death of a loved one. It is also best to also wait until such time as they ask you about it, or that the subject comes up naturally in conversation, rather than you foisting the topic on them. God bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

Praying for deceased family members

Jamie

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Question:

Recently at a family get together, my husband's cousin (who is Presbyterian) spoke of their recently deceased aunt as "being in heaven". I continue to pray for their aunt on a daily basis (as I do all of my deceased loved ones). I don't want to dispute the fact that she was a very "Christian woman", but only God knows the fate of her soul which is why I continue to pray for her.

Should I have taken this as an opportunity to educate my in-laws (who are not receptive to Catholics anyway) or should I have left it alone? I didn't speak up because I know they take comfort in believing that when a loved one dies, they just immediately go to Heaven. I don't want to betray my faith but I felt like this was not an appropriate time or place for a discussion about Purgatory and prayers for the dead.

Are we sinning if we let an opportunity to "enlighten" slip away?

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM+

Dear Jamie:

There is a time and place for everything under the sun the Bible tells us. The right thing at the wrong time can cause great problems. Beside, the technical theological error of your in-laws is not their fault; they cannot be expected to have a Catholic understanding about Purgatory and praying for the dead.

In any event, since the death of the loved-one is recent, they would still be in the grieving process. It would have been patently inappropriate for you to have tried to "enlighten" them at this time.

If you had spoken out it would most likely have caused a major argument and caused an unnecessary rift in the family especially since they are not open to Catholicism. The inappropriateness of your confrontation of them on this would be interpreted <u>by them</u> most likely as not only as another Catholic man-made doctrine, but an example of how terrible the Church is to have this shoved down their throat in the midst of their grief.

You did the right thing in not speaking out in the context that you described. You need to wait for a time that is neutral and not on the heals of the death of a loved one. It is also best to also wait until such time as they ask you about it, or that the subject comes up naturally in conversation, rather than you foisting the topic on them.

God bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below:
Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum.
Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum
Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum
Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum
Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum