Dear Mike:

I am sorry to hear about your depression. We will certainly pray for your recovery.

The first thing to remember is that under such severe depression you are not thinking properly. Do not make decisions or come to conclusions when in such a state.

As for a book dealing with the existence of God you might try reading a book by Peter Kreeft called, Christianity for Modern Pagans.

Thomas Aquinas philosophically proved the existence of God in five ways. I can't remember all five at the moment, but here are a couple.

1) First Mover: In order for something to move (like the universe, our Earth around the sun, etc.) something must move it, get it going. Whatever that something is, something else had to get it going. So what was it that got the earth moving? The answer to that must be followed with another question, "What got that moving?" and so on. There must be a first mover that was not moved itself. That implies a God.

2) First Cause: This is similar to #1. What is the cause of things. Again, one may ultimately go back to say that the Big Bang is the initial cause of the universe. But what caused the Big Bang?

There must be a cause that has no cause itself, otherwise we would be asking the question of "what caused that" forever. Something just had to be, without cause, without something else moving it. That is God.

That is a sorry explanation of Thomas Aquinas, but that is the best I can do at the moment.

We will be praying for you.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary