Dear Catherine:

The priests in your country should be doing secret baptisms if the government has made public baptisms illegal. Secret baptisms would be very easy to do. You might ask your priest about this.

It is also possible to be baptized by a friend or relative in what is called a Private Baptism. Anyone can validly baptize, it doesn't have to be a priest, though a priest or deacon is the normal way to do it. While this is not the way it is suppose to be done, it is valid. Given the circumstance that you are living under this may be an option.

A person cannot be baptized against their will. Thus, the person to be baptized must give consent.

To baptize one must take water to pour over the head/forehead of the person to be baptized so that the water flows over the skin (and not just the hair) while saying the words of baptism. Like this...

I baptize thee in the Name of the Father (pour water), and of the Son (pour water), and of the Holy Spirit (pour water).

If none of this happens you obviously have a desire for baptism. Thus, you are a Christian according to a Baptism of Desire.

You need to ask your priest, however, about a secret baptism.

Now, Confirmation cannot be done by just anybody. The Bishop is the ordinary minister of Confirmation. The bishop may delegate this to a priest, but a layman cannot do this.

As for your vow, there is a formal public vow offered before the Bishop called the Order of Consecrated Virgins. This is under the bishop's direction.

What you have done is called a private vow. Whether a vow is public or private makes no difference from a practical point-of-view. You may make a perpetual vow of chastity and live that life privately. I would advise that you find a wise spiritual director. This spiritual director may be a priest, monk, nun, or a lay person.

The spiritual director can help you to grow and form spiritually in your vows.

We will be praying for you.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary