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Question Title Posted By Question Date
Bringing flowers to public park where ashes were scattered Renee Monday, June 9, 2008

Question:

My mother insisted to scatter the ashes of my father on a campsite in a provincial park near my town, 1000 km from where she lives, claiming that this was my father's wish. My father is catholic, my mother is converted catholic (was baptist), I am catholic.

I refused to have anything to do with this and offered to pay for a grave in our local cemetery, but she refused. Now she is telephoning me to ask me to bring flowers to the camp site in the park where she scattered my father's ashes. I refused to do this because I feel that this would implicate me in her sin. Also, I find it difficult to offer a memorial to my father at a campsite. It all feels so wrong. Furthermore, she has told me that she has requested in her will that I am to scatter her ashes in the same place and that I am bound to it because it is my duty to honour her last wishes. I have told her that I will not do such a thing, regardless of whether it is in her will.

However, by not fulfilling my mother's demands (bring flowers to the camp site and to scatter her ashes there) am I breaking the commandment to honour and obey my parents? What is the correct way for me to deal with this situation without committing a sin? What will happen to my father's soul?



Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM

Dear Renee:

I am sorry for your loss and for this situation with your mother.

Your father's soul is in the hands of our Lord. The disposition of his mortal remains has no effect upon his soul or upon the resurrection of his body on the Day of Judgment.

As for your mother's wishes you are right to refuse her. You have no obligation to obey or honor immoral requests from a parent. You are not breaking the commandment.

As for what to do is to simply explain to your mother why you will not participate in her requests and let it go. If she will not let it go then explain that this is a moral issue of conscience and she will need to respect that.

Frankly, it is possible that she will still not let it go. In the worse case scenario this could cause a rift between you and your mother. If that happens it happens. Jesus said that families may be at each other's neck over the truth. You must do what is right and true and hold to it regardless of the pressure to do otherwise.

We will be praying for you and for your mother (and for the repose of your father).

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

 


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