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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
Marital Love or Marital Lust?	Bethany	Friday, May 16, 2008
Question: Dear Brother, My husband and I are devout Catholics, I go to Daily Mass, we pray the Rosary together and we love to go to Mass together on Sundays. We have been married for 8 years, after meeting at a Prayer Group at church. Our Faith has always been a main part of our relationship. I was very happy to get married to my husband, and looked forward to having a loving physical relationship with him, but he didn't initiate intimacy with me very much. We both work, and we were busy building our life together. I thought eventually things would change, but they have only become worse in this one area. In the last three years we have only been intimate a few times, and each time it was I who had to initiate intimacy after waiting for months. My feminine nature makes me feel that I would prefer my husband to be the initiator, I wouldn't mind both of us doing this from time to time, but he never begins anything any more. I began to have dreams of romantic encounters, and this bothered me greatly. I felt like I was being unfaithful. Finally, I felt like I was beginning to develop anger about this, so I finally asked him about it. and I was SHOCKED by his answer! He said: "I feel you are so holy - I love praying with you and when we are at Mass together, I feel so United with you and so happy! Being sexual with you seems to be a degradation of those holy feelings." I thought I was going to collapse! I panicked, I thought - will this/should this lead to divorce? is this a marriage unable to be what a marriage is supposed to be? I don't want a divorce and I do love how holy of a person he is, but these dreams are continuing every night, i'm afraid i may be tempted eventually by frustrated feelings , and also I'm afraid of anger building up, as it has since he told me this. We are man and wife! not brother and sister or St. John of the Cross and St. Teresa of Avilla! What can i tell him about marital love not being marital lust? God Bless and Thanks!
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM Dear Bethany: The marital embrace is a holy act. It is the beautiful expression of love between a husband and wife that is actually a image of the relationship of Christ and His Bride (the Church). We are all to be holy. Holiness does not mean being non-sexual. Sex within marriage IS HOLY. God approves and is pleased by married couples expressing their love in this way. In fact, the Bible tells us that we ARE NOT TO WITHHOLD ourselves from our spouses except by mutual consent and then only for a short time. (1 Cor 7:5 "Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." Your husband is actually disobeying God. That is not very holy of him. You husband needs a slap in the face and he needs to attend to his husbandly duties. What you are experiencing is exactly this verse. Because of the lack of marital intimacy the devil is beginning to tempt you. I would imagine your husband is being tempted too. However, I suspect there is something else going on here that your husband is not revealing. I think you need to both talk to your priest in pastoral counseling, and if necessary, see a marriage counselor. If you cannot find a good and loyal Catholic marriage counselor, I can set you up with one who can counsel you over the phone. As for your dreams, these are rather normal given the circumstances, but do not let the devil use those dreams against you. I would advise that you pray spiitual warfare prayers of protection at bedtime. You can find such a prayer, and others, in our Spiritual Warfare Prayer Catalog. Here is a prayer for your marriage: In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, strengthened by the intercession of the Immaculate Virgin Mary, Mother of God, of Blessed Michael the Archangel, of the Blessed Apostles Peter and Paul, and all the Saints and Angels of Heaven, and powerful in the holy authority of His Name, tear down, O Lord, all of Satan’s strongholds designed to destroy our marriage. In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we ask Father that You help us to break all barriers between us that have been established by Satan and his wicked spirits. Help us to fulfill your Will for our marriage that our marriage may be healthy and holy and blessed by your Holy Spirit. I invite the Holy Spirit to enable me to relate to [spouse’s name] in a manner that will meet his needs. I will submit our conversation to You, that it may please You. I submit our physical relationship to You that it may enjoy Your blessing. I submit our love to You that You may cause it to grow and mature. I desire to know and experience in marriage the fullness of Your perfect will. Open my eyes to see all areas where I am deceived. Open [spouse’s name] to see any of Satan’s deception upon him/her. Make our Union to be the Christ-centered and blessed relationship You have designed in Your perfect will. I ask this in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ with thanksgiving. Amen. We will be in prayer for you and your husband. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below: Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum. Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

Marital Love or Marital Lust?

Bethany

Friday, May 16, 2008

Question:

Dear Brother,

My husband and I are devout Catholics, I go to Daily Mass, we pray the Rosary together and we love to go to Mass together on Sundays. We have been married for 8 years, after meeting at a Prayer Group at church. Our Faith has always been a main part of our relationship.

I was very happy to get married to my husband, and looked forward to having a loving physical relationship with him, but he didn't initiate intimacy with me very much. We both work, and we were busy building our life together. I thought eventually things would change, but they have only become worse in this one area.

In the last three years we have only been intimate a few times, and each time it was I who had to initiate intimacy after waiting for months. My feminine nature makes me feel that I would prefer my husband to be the initiator, I wouldn't mind both of us doing this from time to time, but he never begins anything any more.

I began to have dreams of romantic encounters, and this bothered me greatly. I felt like I was being unfaithful.

Finally, I felt like I was beginning to develop anger about this, so I finally asked him about it. and I was SHOCKED by his answer!

He said: "I feel you are so holy - I love praying with you and when we are at Mass together, I feel so United with you and so happy! Being sexual with you seems to be a degradation of those holy feelings."

I thought I was going to collapse! I panicked, I thought - will this/should this lead to divorce? is this a marriage unable to be what a marriage is supposed to be? I don't want a divorce and I do love how holy of a person he is, but these dreams are continuing every night, i'm afraid i may be tempted eventually by frustrated feelings , and also I'm afraid of anger building up, as it has since he told me this. We are man and wife! not brother and sister or St. John of the Cross and St. Teresa of Avilla!

What can i tell him about marital love not being marital lust?

God Bless and Thanks!

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM

Dear Bethany:

The marital embrace is a holy act. It is the beautiful expression of love between a husband and wife that is actually a image of the relationship of Christ and His Bride (the Church).

We are all to be holy. Holiness does not mean being non-sexual. Sex within marriage IS HOLY. God approves and is pleased by married couples expressing their love in this way. In fact, the Bible tells us that we ARE NOT TO WITHHOLD ourselves from our spouses except by mutual consent and then only for a short time.

(1 Cor 7:5 "Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

Your husband is actually disobeying God. That is not very holy of him. You husband needs a slap in the face and he needs to attend to his husbandly duties.

What you are experiencing is exactly this verse. Because of the lack of marital intimacy the devil is beginning to tempt you. I would imagine your husband is being tempted too.

However, I suspect there is something else going on here that your husband is not revealing. I think you need to both talk to your priest in pastoral counseling, and if necessary, see a marriage counselor. If you cannot find a good and loyal Catholic marriage counselor, I can set you up with one who can counsel you over the phone.

As for your dreams, these are rather normal given the circumstances, but do not let the devil use those dreams against you. I would advise that you pray spiitual warfare prayers of protection at bedtime. You can find such a prayer, and others, in our Spiritual Warfare Prayer Catalog.

Here is a prayer for your marriage:

In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, strengthened by the intercession of the Immaculate Virgin Mary, Mother of God, of Blessed Michael the Archangel, of the Blessed Apostles Peter and Paul, and all the Saints and Angels of Heaven, and powerful in the holy authority of His Name, tear down, O Lord, all of Satan’s strongholds designed to destroy our marriage. In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we ask Father that You help us to break all barriers between us that have been established by Satan and his wicked spirits. Help us to fulfill your Will for our marriage that our marriage may be healthy and holy and blessed by your Holy Spirit. I invite the Holy Spirit to enable me to relate to [spouse’s name] in a manner that will meet his needs. I will submit our conversation to You, that it may please You. I submit our physical relationship to You that it may enjoy Your blessing. I submit our love to You that You may cause it to grow and mature.
I desire to know and experience in marriage the fullness of Your perfect will. Open my eyes to see all areas where I am deceived. Open [spouse’s name] to see any of Satan’s deception upon him/her. Make our Union to be the Christ-centered and blessed relationship You have designed in Your perfect will. I ask this in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ with thanksgiving. Amen.

We will be in prayer for you and your husband.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary

Footer Notes: This forum is for general questions on the faith. See specific Topic Forums below:
Spiritual Warfare, demons, the occult go to our Spiritul Warfare Q&S Forum.
Liturgy Questions go to our Liturgy and Liturgical Law Q&A Forum
Liturgy of the Hours (Divine Office) Questions go to our Divine Office Q&A Forum
Defenfing the Faith Questions go to our Defending the Faith Q&A Forum
Church History Questions go to our Church History Q&A Forum