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Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
***** Defending Church's stance on intimacy WARNING!! Adult Content	Rita	Friday, November 19, 2010
Question: Dear Brother, How does one defend the Church's stance on boundaries on certain matters of intimacy in marriage? As a specific example, my husband, parents, counselors, friends, etc. find the Church's standing about oral sex to be utterly old-fashioned and ridiculous. Even I don't fully understand why the Church has to be so technical and nit-picky, especially if one is already open to life. Why is it wrong to have oral sex if one is pregnant, post-partum, having female problems or, conversely, if the husband wishes to give pleasure to his wife without neccessarily taking his own? Sorry for the graphic question, it's just that I have asked so many people - priests, canon lawyers, NFP couples and Catholic Answers - and nobody really seems to have much of an answer for it. (To be fair, Catholic Amswers and I have played phone tag for the last two weeks over it). My marriage therapist keeps asking me 'Where is it in scripture that within marriage couples must abstain from oral sex?" And as evidence of God permitting oral sex, he gives verses from the Song of Songs - I don't know the exact ones - but it is the one where her hands are dripping with myrr. Help!! My husband finds me a prude and thinks I am brainwashed by the Church and says no one else in our parish remotely practices that teaching. He also says that it is stupid to follow a corrupt Church full of priests who committ the most atrocious scandals. It is putting a definite strain on our marriage. But I do not want to do something that God finds sinful. What can I say to defend myself and the Church?
Question Answered by Mr. Benjamin Matthew ***** WARNING!! This question and answer is of a mature nature. Parental discretion is advised. Dear Rita: One defends the faith and Church the same way; by means of the truth. The truth cannot become old fashioned or modernized, but instead, the Church brings this timeless truth to modern issues and society. There's a big difference there. As for your question, the church permits sexual acts (oral sex) that in are accordance with the full marital embrace (ie: the man ejaculates ONLY vaginally). Pope Pius XII put it in this way: Marriage is a mutual commitment in which each side ceases to be autonomous, in various ways and also sexually: the sexual liberty in agreement together is great; here, so long as they are not immoderate so as to become slaves of sensuality, nothing is shameful, if the complete acts - the ones involving ejaculation of the man's seed - that they engage in are true and real marriage acts." The modern world is so obsessed with the pleasures associated with sex. We see this through the rampant purchasing of pornography and an acceptance of masturbation. This generation is so used to contraception and abortion that conceiving a child is the negative effect of sex; rather than its greatest joy. The world thinks that the Church is "utterly old fashioned" because sex has now become about satisfying lust and sexual desires only. In this way, each person needs to question their motives when following the trends of today's sexual culture. The critical concept of sex is not pleasure, it is life. Next, you ask where in scripture does the church teach this. First, unlike many protestants, the Catholic church does not go by scripture alone, so the question itself is flawed. The Catholic Church has truth revealed both in sacred tradition as well as sacred scripture. The bible does not explicitly talk about abortion, because abortion is a modern issue, thus we follow the Church's interpretation of scripture to address abortion. As I mentioned before, the Church brings this truth to modern society. To use a scripture, like the one from song of songs, to contradict Church teaching does not make sense (this is what protestants usually do). The church has already taken the bible into consideration when teaching the truth. The song of songs, as most of the church fathers have seen it, is an allegory of God's love for his Church. The poetry is beautiful, but we need to follow the Church's interpretation of scripture when quoting it. The Church teaches on life issues based on the sanctity and integrity of each human life, the sanctity of marriage and its role in the church, and the sanctity of the marital embrace. All of those things are slipping away from the society. The sex abuse scandal does not hinder the Church's ability to teach the truth. Sexual abuse is against Church teaching. If a Catholic has an abortion, it doesn't mean that Catholics support abortion, it just means that the person is going against Church teaching. Thus, I encourage you to pray for those people in the Church who have fallen away. To put this into perspective (taken from Fr. Barron of Word on Fire), there were 6 cases of sexual abuse last year in the U.S. Catholic church out of 50 000 priests. That is .012%. That doesn't take away from the terrible things that have happened in the Church, but keep it in perspective. You may also choose to check the % of sexual abuses in middle school and compare the percentage above... you will be shocked. Continue to pray for your husband, and hold onto the truth at all times. Even if the rest of your parish isn't following the truth, it doesn't excuse you from doing it. The old adage stands, you wouldn't jump off a bridge if everyone else was! God bless, Mr. Mathew

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

*****
Defending Church's stance on intimacy
WARNING!! Adult Content

Rita

Friday, November 19, 2010

Question:

Dear Brother,

How does one defend the Church's stance on boundaries on certain matters of intimacy in marriage?

As a specific example, my husband, parents, counselors, friends, etc. find the Church's standing about oral sex to be utterly old-fashioned and ridiculous. Even I don't fully understand why the Church has to be so technical and nit-picky, especially if one is already open to life.

Why is it wrong to have oral sex if one is pregnant, post-partum, having female problems or, conversely, if the husband wishes to give pleasure to his wife without neccessarily taking his own?

Sorry for the graphic question, it's just that I have asked so many people - priests, canon lawyers, NFP couples and Catholic Answers - and nobody really seems to have much of an answer for it. (To be fair, Catholic Amswers and I have played phone tag for the last two weeks over it).

My marriage therapist keeps asking me 'Where is it in scripture that within marriage couples must abstain from oral sex?" And as evidence of God permitting oral sex, he gives verses from the Song of Songs - I don't know the exact ones - but it is the one where her hands are dripping with myrr. Help!!

My husband finds me a prude and thinks I am brainwashed by the Church and says no one else in our parish remotely practices that teaching. He also says that it is stupid to follow a corrupt Church full of priests who committ the most atrocious scandals. It is putting a definite strain on our marriage. But I do not want to do something that God finds sinful.

What can I say to defend myself and the Church?

Question Answered by Mr. Benjamin Matthew

*****
WARNING!! This question and answer is of a mature nature. Parental discretion is advised.

Dear Rita:

One defends the faith and Church the same way; by means of the truth. The truth cannot become old fashioned or modernized, but instead, the Church brings this timeless truth to modern issues and society. There's a big difference there.

As for your question, the church permits sexual acts (oral sex) that in are accordance with the full marital embrace (ie: the man ejaculates ONLY vaginally).

Pope Pius XII put it in this way:

Marriage is a mutual commitment in which each side ceases to be autonomous, in various ways and also sexually: the sexual liberty in agreement together is great; here, so long as they are not immoderate so as to become slaves of sensuality, nothing is shameful, if the complete acts - the ones involving ejaculation of the man's seed - that they engage in are true and real marriage acts."

The modern world is so obsessed with the pleasures associated with sex. We see this through the rampant purchasing of pornography and an acceptance of masturbation. This generation is so used to contraception and abortion that conceiving a child is the negative effect of sex; rather than its greatest joy. The world thinks that the Church is "utterly old fashioned" because sex has now become about satisfying lust and sexual desires only.

In this way, each person needs to question their motives when following the trends of today's sexual culture. The critical concept of sex is not pleasure, it is life.

Next, you ask where in scripture does the church teach this. First, unlike many protestants, the Catholic church does not go by scripture alone, so the question itself is flawed. The Catholic Church has truth revealed both in sacred tradition as well as sacred scripture. The bible does not explicitly talk about abortion, because abortion is a modern issue, thus we follow the Church's interpretation of scripture to address abortion. As I mentioned before, the Church brings this truth to modern society. To use a scripture, like the one from song of songs, to contradict Church teaching does not make sense (this is what protestants usually do). The church has already taken the bible into consideration when teaching the truth. The song of songs, as most of the church fathers have seen it, is an allegory of God's love for his Church. The poetry is beautiful, but we need to follow the Church's interpretation of scripture when quoting it. The Church teaches on life issues based on the sanctity and integrity of each human life, the sanctity of marriage and its role in the church, and the sanctity of the marital embrace. All of those things are slipping away from the society.

The sex abuse scandal does not hinder the Church's ability to teach the truth. Sexual abuse is against Church teaching. If a Catholic has an abortion, it doesn't mean that Catholics support abortion, it just means that the person is going against Church teaching. Thus, I encourage you to pray for those people in the Church who have fallen away. To put this into perspective (taken from Fr. Barron of Word on Fire), there were 6 cases of sexual abuse last year in the U.S. Catholic church out of 50 000 priests. That is .012%. That doesn't take away from the terrible things that have happened in the Church, but keep it in perspective. You may also choose to check the % of sexual abuses in middle school and compare the percentage above... you will be shocked.

Continue to pray for your husband, and hold onto the truth at all times. Even if the rest of your parish isn't following the truth, it doesn't excuse you from doing it. The old adage stands, you wouldn't jump off a bridge if everyone else was!

God bless,
Mr. Mathew