Ask a Question - or - Return to the Defending the Faith Forum Index

Question Title	Posted By	Question Date
Help with Brother In Law	B	Saturday, February 12, 2005
Question: Dear Bro. Ignatius Mary, My husband's brother is a "Bible Christian". As you can imagine, family get togethers are interesting. Let me explain a little about the beliefs of my brother in law (from here on out I will call him "Gus"). He attends a church in Ohio, passes out tracks (sp??), takes a bullhorn to ball games and street preaches, all the women in his church wear head coverings, his wife has the gift of tongues, and he is very anti-catholic. Would this be classified as a charismatic fundamentalist movement? His claim is that this group of people in his church hardly ever sin, they walk in the spirit, they have recaptured the true church that existed during apostolic times (because the catholic church adopted too many pagan rituals..He is reading a book called "The Two Babylons"), he has found the path that few will find....etc. My husband and I are strong in our catholic faith. We pray and thank God for Gus every night because he makes us make sure that we know our faith. That does not diminish his constant conversion tries. Do you love this family member from a distance? I have to admit that after having a conversation with him, my nerves are raw...and we make no headway (too many bible versus get thrown at us when we make a point). We feel like we literally have gone to battle! Is the goal of his and others like him to purposely lead us catholics out of the Church or is it to spread God's word like he says? Should we bother engaging in conversation? (Proverbs 26, I know , I know). We love Gus very much. This is my husband's brother, he is family. Because he was raised catholic, we are concerned for his soul. What is our christian duty in this case? On one hand, if God is using us as an instrument to help him, we don't want to turn our backs just because it's too hard, but on the other hand...it is emotionally and somewhat physically draining! Help! God Bless you and thank you in advance for your advice, B
Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM Dear B: These situations are always very difficult when a family member is involved. It sounds like your brother-in-law is involved in a very aggressive evangelistic fellowship. Actually there is nothing wrong with that per se. I wish Catholics were more aggressive in their sharing the faith with others. The Catholic Evidence Guild, which does street corner preaching, is one example of Catholics "going to the streets" to preach. What is not okay is harassing a person or brow-beating a person with the Bible. In the fervor of their faith many fundamentalist actually abuse the people they are trying to "win over to Christ." I did this somewhat when I was a Baptist preacher in the 70's. Neither evangelism nor apologetics is about fighting or winning arguments. Discussions may get intense sometimes but unproductive arguments are condemned by St. Paul. When doing evangelism and apologetics we must always remember that we do not "convince" anyone and we do not "save" anyone. It is the Holy Spirit that does the convincing and saving. Thus it is not our job to convince anyone let alone badger someone into the Faith. Our job is to "share" our faith, as gently as possible, in a way that is persuasive and convincing, but not so as to demand the person "say uncle" and give-in to us. Our first Pope, St. Peter, teaches us: Always be read to give an explanation to anyone who asks you for a reason for your hope, but do it with gentleness and reverence, keeping your conscience clear, so that, when you are maligned, those who defame your good conduct in Christ may themselves be put to shame. (1 Peter 3:15b-16) "Gentleness," however, does not mean disingenuousness about the Truth. Sometimes "tough love" and "tough" language is necessary to overcome the delusions of this world (read the essay, Three Secret Strategies of Satan). But even in this we must avoid badgering remembering we are but the messenger and not the master. The master will deal with a person obstinate to the Truth, not us. These basic principles are ignored by many Catholic apologists and famously ignored by many fundamentalist. It sounds like your brother-in-law may be ignoring this also. Because he is family does not mean that you must tolerate his badgering and incessant attempts to take you away from the Faith. As harsh has it sounds, St. Paul teaches us in Galatians 1:9 "As we have said before, so now I say again, If any one is preaching to you a gospel contrary to that which you received, let him be accursed." St. Paul is very forceful when it comes to protecting the Faith. There can be no new form of Christianity to be discovered other than that founded and taught by Christ and the Apostles. It is the Church "which received the office of safeguarding the deposit of faith along with the apostolic duty of teaching, likewise possesses the right and duty of proscribing [. . .] opinions that are known to be opposed to the doctrine of the faith" (Vatican II, Dei Verbum, 5). This teaching along with the teaching that we are to avoid unproductive arguments (Titus 3) suggests that we are to avoid people who do not have the Catholic Faith and who argue against the Catholic Faith and who refuse to listen to the Truth of the Catholic Faith and instead continue to argue. Such people have made up their minds and are not interested in hearing anything other than their own voice. There is no point to argue with such people. Instead commit them to prayer. This is what you need to do with your brother-in-law. The question then becomes "how to accomplish that?" I would suggest talking to him and simply and calmly express to him that you no longer wish to discuss religion with him. Say that you understand his point-of-view, but that you are secure in your Catholic Faith and will not change that. Ask him to pray for you, and that you will pray for him. Ask him to respect your wishes on this. If he does not respect your wishes to cease conversations that seek to convert you, then you may end up having to ask him to leave your house (or you leave his house). Because he is family does not give him the right to treat you with disrespect and our Christian love for family does not mean that we must tolerate the abuse of a family member. On another note: your brother-in-law is risking the grave sin of presumption. To presume his group does not sin much is pride in the first degree. In addition, your brother-in-law is also ignorant of Church history since if he and other Protestants were to truly examine the way the early Christians practiced their faith and conducted their church they would find that it coincides with what the Catholic Church is today. Unfortunately, in fundamentalism there is a near-like cult brainwashing when it comes to church history and about anything else of the Faith and theology that requires brain cells. Pray for them. We will be in prayer for your family and brother-in-law. God Bless, Bro. Ignatius Mary

Question Title

Posted By

Question Date

Help with Brother In Law

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Question:

Dear Bro. Ignatius Mary,

My husband's brother is a "Bible Christian". As you can imagine, family get togethers are interesting. Let me explain a little about the beliefs of my brother in law (from here on out I will call him "Gus").

He attends a church in Ohio, passes out tracks (sp??), takes a bullhorn to ball games and street preaches, all the women in his church wear head coverings, his wife has the gift of tongues, and he is very anti-catholic. Would this be classified as a charismatic fundamentalist movement?

His claim is that this group of people in his church hardly ever sin, they walk in the spirit, they have recaptured the true church that existed during apostolic times (because the catholic church adopted too many pagan rituals..He is reading a book called "The Two Babylons"), he has found the path that few will find....etc.

My husband and I are strong in our catholic faith. We pray and thank God for Gus every night because he makes us make sure that we know our faith.

That does not diminish his constant conversion tries. Do you love this family member from a distance? I have to admit that after having a conversation with him, my nerves are raw...and we make no headway (too many bible versus get thrown at us when we make a point). We feel like we literally have gone to battle!

Is the goal of his and others like him to purposely lead us catholics out of the Church or is it to spread God's word like he says? Should we bother engaging in conversation? (Proverbs 26, I know , I know).

We love Gus very much. This is my husband's brother, he is family. Because he was raised catholic, we are concerned for his soul.

What is our christian duty in this case? On one hand, if God is using us as an instrument to help him, we don't want to turn our backs just because it's too hard, but on the other hand...it is emotionally and somewhat physically draining! Help!

God Bless you and thank you in advance for your advice,
B

Question Answered by Bro. Ignatius Mary, OLSM

Dear B:

These situations are always very difficult when a family member is involved.

It sounds like your brother-in-law is involved in a very aggressive evangelistic fellowship. Actually there is nothing wrong with that per se. I wish Catholics were more aggressive in their sharing the faith with others. The Catholic Evidence Guild, which does street corner preaching, is one example of Catholics "going to the streets" to preach.

What is not okay is harassing a person or brow-beating a person with the Bible. In the fervor of their faith many fundamentalist actually abuse the people they are trying to "win over to Christ." I did this somewhat when I was a Baptist preacher in the 70's.

Neither evangelism nor apologetics is about fighting or winning arguments. Discussions may get intense sometimes but unproductive arguments are condemned by St. Paul.

When doing evangelism and apologetics we must always remember that we do not "convince" anyone and we do not "save" anyone. It is the Holy Spirit that does the convincing and saving. Thus it is not our job to convince anyone let alone badger someone into the Faith. Our job is to "share" our faith, as gently as possible, in a way that is persuasive and convincing, but not so as to demand the person "say uncle" and give-in to us. Our first Pope, St. Peter, teaches us:

Always be read to give an explanation to anyone who asks you for a reason for your hope, but do it with gentleness and reverence, keeping your conscience clear, so that, when you are maligned, those who defame your good conduct in Christ may themselves be put to shame. (1 Peter 3:15b-16)

"Gentleness," however, does not mean disingenuousness about the Truth. Sometimes "tough love" and "tough" language is necessary to overcome the delusions of this world (read the essay, Three Secret Strategies of Satan). But even in this we must avoid badgering remembering we are but the messenger and not the master. The master will deal with a person obstinate to the Truth, not us.

These basic principles are ignored by many Catholic apologists and famously ignored by many fundamentalist. It sounds like your brother-in-law may be ignoring this also.

Because he is family does not mean that you must tolerate his badgering and incessant attempts to take you away from the Faith. As harsh has it sounds, St. Paul teaches us in Galatians 1:9 "As we have said before, so now I say again, If any one is preaching to you a gospel contrary to that which you received, let him be accursed."

St. Paul is very forceful when it comes to protecting the Faith. There can be no new form of Christianity to be discovered other than that founded and taught by Christ and the Apostles. It is the Church "which received the office of safeguarding the deposit of faith along with the apostolic duty of teaching, likewise possesses the right and duty of proscribing [. . .] opinions that are known to be opposed to the doctrine of the faith" (Vatican II, Dei Verbum, 5).

This teaching along with the teaching that we are to avoid unproductive arguments (Titus 3) suggests that we are to avoid people who do not have the Catholic Faith and who argue against the Catholic Faith and who refuse to listen to the Truth of the Catholic Faith and instead continue to argue. Such people have made up their minds and are not interested in hearing anything other than their own voice. There is no point to argue with such people. Instead commit them to prayer.

This is what you need to do with your brother-in-law. The question then becomes "how to accomplish that?"

I would suggest talking to him and simply and calmly express to him that you no longer wish to discuss religion with him. Say that you understand his point-of-view, but that you are secure in your Catholic Faith and will not change that. Ask him to pray for you, and that you will pray for him. Ask him to respect your wishes on this.

If he does not respect your wishes to cease conversations that seek to convert you, then you may end up having to ask him to leave your house (or you leave his house). Because he is family does not give him the right to treat you with disrespect and our Christian love for family does not mean that we must tolerate the abuse of a family member.

On another note: your brother-in-law is risking the grave sin of presumption. To presume his group does not sin much is pride in the first degree. In addition, your brother-in-law is also ignorant of Church history since if he and other Protestants were to truly examine the way the early Christians practiced their faith and conducted their church they would find that it coincides with what the Catholic Church is today.

Unfortunately, in fundamentalism there is a near-like cult brainwashing when it comes to church history and about anything else of the Faith and theology that requires brain cells.

Pray for them.

We will be in prayer for your family and brother-in-law.

God Bless,
Bro. Ignatius Mary